When I was in the prayer practitioner training at Agape back in the 90’s I had a realization that really changed how I lived every single day of my life.
Catch this: I realized that if I didn’t judge myself for my errors, but instead, could have loving compassion for myself, then there’d be more love expressed in the world BECAUSE I made an error – and that was good and beneficial for ALL beings!
Choosing to have compassion for myself, meant that I wasn’t judging myself. There’s no way to be in judgment of myself AND also hold myself in Love simultaneously. By choosing to stop judging myself, and instead to extend loving understanding to myself, I was learning how to live without taking offense and then no forgiveness was necessary.
This is Freedom.
And this was how I began to practice forgiveness AS non-judgment. When there’s no judgment, no forgiveness is necessary and life is MUCH easier. This way we can stay in our loving hearts and there’s no back tracking to clean up a mess. I really like that.
Plus, it’s much more peaceful. Easier on the nerves. More productive.
It was around this same time that people began to say things to me like “you’re so full of light.” I would look around to see who they were talking to, because I knew it couldn’t possibly be me.
Full of Light? Me? Nah.
I remember saying to my BFF, “can you believe people are saying I’m a real light in the world? That’s so crazy.”
And she said to me, “Yeah, Jennifer, you ARE a light in this world.”
Who? Me? What?
More and more people began to comment on how light-filled I was. I knew then as I know now, that it was because of this practice of non-judgment. It was because every day I had the opportunity to turn my seeming errors into successes.
And every day, more Love was being expressed in the world because I made the error.
For instance, let’s say I’m going somewhere and all of a sudden it starts to pour rain and I don’t have an umbrella and now I’m running into all kinds of issues and I’m going to be late and show up all soaking wet too. I didn’t check the weather, didn’t plan ahead and now I’m in the soup. I call this a “tactical error.”
When there’s a tactical error I say to myself, “well, here’s a good learning for me. I’m a life-long learner, so this is helpful to me. Next time, I’ll do know to do it differently and have a more desirable result. This is a good thing. I’ve learned something.”
No problem – only learning, compassion and understanding.
I realize now that this was the beginning of my becoming a teacher. I was embodying my Higher Holy Spirit Self – the knower who knows – my inner teacher and guide.
I found that I was SO VERY grateful that I could choose to be loving with myself instead of tearing myself down. I began to look for more and more opportunities to be kind to myself and others.
This was a big change for me because I had been a dedicated grievance and grudge holder. I literally thought it was my moral responsibility to never forget the insults and injuries and to wear them in my energetic field like a warrior who has scars on their body and chinks in their armor.
I’d been living as a grudge holder for so long that I had completely lost track of how much energy it took. What changed things for me was I began to realize that just as I had learned to not attack myself for my tactical errors, when others made errors such as being rude, unkind or thoughtless, I could go first with kindness and compassion and help them come back to their right mind by not judging them, and by not taking offense. I liked that so much more than tearing them down and attacking them.
In this practice with others, just as with myself, I learned that it’s so much easier and faster to heal when I take full responsibility for my choices and for everything around me. Then I can extend compassion to all and harvest the learning from everything.
What naturally began to occur is that the sense I’d had for so long of feeling like a fake began to disappear and then it went, never to return. WOW!
I’ve learned so much that has empowered me to share with others, to offer classes, workshops and retreats, to be a spiritual counselor to others and to write this daily inspiration.
I used to wonder how the heck would I be able to really follow my calling. It felt so completely daunting because I was caught up in the “how would it unfold in the world of form.” I didn’t think I had the resources.
I had a lot of debt. I wasn’t good at earning money. I was still self-medicating intensely.
And then my prayer that the way be shown to me was answered by my reading something Jesus said when he walked the earth. He said:
If I be lifted up, I draw all unto me.
Suddenly, I heard what he meant. I realized that this was the answer to my prayers!
Instead of focusing on how to make this ministry happen in the world, I turned my attention to the inner lifting up. I put my focus on taking out the trash in my belief system – that old B.S. – and practicing forgiveness and compassion, kindness and generosity, patience and Peace.
I began to feel the lifting up happening, the old patterns fell away, the way began to clear and things were brought to me and offered to me.
I began to see opportunities that I wasn’t available to before because I wasn’t a vibrational match. Instead of criticizing others, I began to extend my heart to them and offer them a blessing – and the whole universe began to do the same with me. it was a true turning and transformation.
I no longer felt like a fake anymore, because I wasn’t faking. I was being more loving and compassionate with each day – even when I fell down and forgot, I could pick myself up with Love and compassion and immediately be back on track.
I developed humility.
And I learned that humility is the key that opens the door to awakening.
Are you wishing to share your gifts and talents, but feel like you’ve been playing small?
Do you have self-doubt you’d like to transform so that you can share from Spirit and inspire others?
Jon Mundy and I are offering minister & teacher training retreats in August. If you’d like to learn about these trainings in inspirational writing, teaching and speaking, click here for more information. These retreats are open to anyone who’d like to build their skills AND do some deep spiritual healing of patterns of unworthiness! We can even help you get CEU’s if that’s helpful.
My Radio Show episode from this past week was about Healing Abusive Relationships and it might be of interest to you. I’ve done a number of episodes of my weekly A Course in Miracles weekly Radio Show on the topic of relationship, healing, faith and being miracle minded. (FYI, you can search through the archive for episodes on whatever topic you’re interested in.)
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We’re an expanding global spiritual community of prayerful people willing to be co-workers with God. We’re waking up together and finding freedom in our hearts. I’m so grateful for this!
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If you’d like to hear more on this topic from A Course in Miracles perspective, click here now to listen to or download my radio show episode: ACIM: Your Path of Liftoff! You can also get the transcript there.
For a searchable list of all my radio show episodes click here to go to LivingACourseinMiracles.com/radio.