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This week in my Stop Playing Small class I was sharing about my own personal journey with responsibility. I was so resistant to taking responsibility for the circumstances of my life.
I didn’t understand the difference between BLAME and RESPONSIBILITY. I was always shirking responsibility because I thought it meant taking the blame. I always wanted to put the blame for everything on someone else.
I didn’t know it back then, but I felt really ugly inside. I felt as if the “real” me was ugly, malformed, demented, and unlovable. I felt so icky inside that the very idea of taking on one more CRUMB of blame/responsibility would put me over the edge.
I was almost always angry and hostile and so I took it out on everyone.
I was a blamer and a complainer.
I took offense at ANYthing and EVERYthing.
It was never my fault. I was an expert at deflecting everything.
I learned how to judge every thing that came into my view, just in case I needed to protect myself against attack, I had already pre-judged everything.
One of the most healing things I ever did, was I decided to stop all of that crazy thinking and start to take responsibility.
Now, when things show up in a way that doesn’t feel good to me – like people letting me down, people not showing up for me, even when the software doesn’t work or the phone installation goes wrong – I take it all as something that is perfectly designed to be a sign, a symbol, a mirror of my thinking.
Now, I am more and more willing to see that everything is helpful to my path of awakening. And I know that I can only do that because I’m willing to take responsibility.
It’s amazing, but true, but taking responsibility leads to feeling Free.
It’s about cultivating the ability to respond with Love and compassion.
Taking responsibility is an act of Love and Love is the healer! This path is the fast track to spiritual awakening, and it’s not for everyone. IF you really would like to undo the ego identification, take responsibility for EVERYTHING and leave blame behind!
I AM willing to take responsibility for my experience!