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When I was growing up, I was a daddy’s girl for sure. There’s no question he was my teacher and I modeled myself after him in so many ways – for the good and the less good. I seemed to copy his positive trains as well as the less enjoyable patterns of behavior. My sense is that the “negative” patterns were ones he also learned from his father. We did what generations do, we passed things along.
The worst fights of my life, I had with my father. I’m sure they were the worst fights of his life as well. You have to really love someone to fight with them that much. I’m so glad that we don’t fight anymore, at all. We disagree from time to time, but there’s no fighting.
There have been times when I thought I’d never speak to him again. I doubt he ever felt that way. Because I felt so vulnerable, I used to have such an “all or nothing” point of view. I used to inflame myself emotionally and it was very hard on me. None of which was his fault, but I took it out on him, at least in my mind.
It’s a wonderful thing to feel so completely loving and grateful for my Father now. As far as the people in my life, he has been an extraordinary blessing to me, unrelentingly there for me no matter what. That’s a rare and precious thing. I’ve always felt secure in his love for me even when we weren’t acting like it. I’ve always felt Spirit underneath and behind the personality.
Now, at age 54, I can see so clearly that everything in my life was perfectly designed by me, for me. I have been experiencing my karma, that I created – it was in everything that I experienced in my relationship with my father. I recognize now that he HAD to play this role for me to be able to have the choices I’ve had.
In every moment we have the choice between being loving, compassionate, forgiving, nonjudgmental or going into blame, resentment, anger, shame, regret, and hurt. We get to choose the meaning that we make of every moment.
Now, I see and feel only Love through it all. The system of karma is a loving system of accelerated learning and I signed up for it. I’m only interested in good karma now. I’m focused on awakening to Love’s presence in every moment of my life and none have helped me so much as my precious Father. My Dad.
I don’t hold anything against my Father anymore, but if I did, today would be a day of forgiveness. I don’t hold anything against myself anymore either, but if I did, today would be a day of forgiveness.
True forgiveness is non judgment. True forgiveness is releasing the opinions and judgments that I made, the meaning I made that is from a narrow, ego perspective. Forgiveness is the greatest gift of all. It releases everyone and lifts us all.
A very Happy Father’s Day to all the Fathers & Grandfathers. God bless you all! Especially my own Father who gave me the greatest gifts of all: Love & Life! Thank you, Dad! I love you with all of my heart!
We’re healing together and I’m so grateful for that! If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful won’t you please share at Facebook and Twitter to let others know? Thank you!