Are You Giving To Get?

March 21, 2015

You open yourself to receive when you stop giving to get!

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This is part 2 of a 3 part series on Having Better Relationships

Part 1: How to Stop Attracting Negative Relationships
Part 2: (You Are Here) Are you Giving to Get?
Part 3: Take 100% Responsibility

One of the biggest errors people make in relationships is often not even noticed.

Time and time again, when people tell me they’re REALLY upset about something in a relationship, this is the core issue and they have no clue that it even is a problem! How crazy is that!

If you feel upset, in any of your relationships, first of all, you have to be willing to look at the fact that you’re in judgment. You’re thinking you know what’s good and bad. You’re thinking you know what’s right and wrong. You’re thinking that you know what should be and shouldn’t be.

But … until you can see through all directions of time and space and know EXACTLY what everything is for, how could you possibly know enough to pass judgment? You can’t. So, in the meantime, you’re turning a blind eye to that truth and judging anyway. Your judgment is an attack thought and when you choose to be unloving, it always upsets you. ALWAYS.

Why? Because Love is your home base.
Love is the place of harmony and abundance.

When you judge, you’re leaving the place of love and harmony, venturing out on your own into a dark place. Of course, you feel frightened. When you feel frightened, you’re bound to get upset. And if you say your judgments out loud, it usually makes the situation even worse. My Simple Fight Fixer can help you when you struggle with this.

Stop judging and attacking and go back to being loving in order to feel peaceful.

Now, that’s not even the problem you’re creating that I’m interested in showing you, it’s this:
If you’re upset, you’re probably also giving in order to get.
Giving in order to get looks like this:
You don’t appreciate me.
You don’t respect me.
You’re not doing what I want.
I need you to be different.
If you’re cooking a meal and hoping or thinking people will appreciate you for it, you’re giving to get.

Giving to get is manipulation and coercion – and it doesn’t matter if you gave them a good meal, great sex, or tickets to a show.
Giving to get is a recipe for disappointment and upset.
Giving to get is an expectation.

Imagine if you were to be upfront with your expectations.
What if you were to announce them in advance?

Example:
I’d like to cook you a really lovely meal this Sunday and have you come over to enjoy it and have some loving family time. But if you don’t appreciate me in the way I like to be appreciated, I’m going to be angry and resentful and take that out on you and I may never explain why. I’ll be cooking all day Saturday in preparation, so you better show up on time.

Here’s another example:
I’m going to run some errands for you and do some chores for you, but you better do something for me in return. Whatever you do better be equal to or greater than what I did or I’m going to feel like you don’t really love, appreciate and respect me and then I’ll reserve the right to be angry, depressed, moody and take it out on you until I feel you have received the punishment you deserve. Sound good? BTW, I’ll be doing the chores for you that I think you deserve to have done for you and that I would like you to have done yourself, and I’ll do them in a way that sets an example for you to follow in the future, so you better be very appreciative.

Sound familiar?

If you make a list of all the disappointments you’ve suffered you’ll see all the expectations you’ve had. You’ll see that you are the one who set yourself up for disappointment.

Why would you do that unless you secretly wished for being disappointed so you could have something to hold against your loved ones?

Expectations are manipulations.
Expectations are attachments, cravings, needing and wanting.
Expectations are NOT agreed to.

Agreements are agreed to. If you’d like to make an agreement with someone, make it. Use your words and make an agreement. That’s why people have written contracts and agreements.

Expectations are disappointments about to happen.
What part of expectations is loving?
What part of manipulating people is loving?
None!

Giving with a price tag, a string, an attachment is controlling and manipulative unless it’s a clearly spelled out agreement.

Would you prefer to be in a controlling, manipulative, unfulfilling relationship or a loving and compassionate one?

It might seem crazy, but you get to decide what you’d like.
You decide every day by what you choose.

Co-dependency is co-agreement to manipulate.
Co-dependency is co-agreement to leave the Love out and settle for controlling, disappointing, resentful, unkind relationship.

If you’re not experiencing fulfilling relationship, it’s because that’s not what you’re choosing.

If you give to get EVEN IN YOUR WORKPLACE, you’ll never know the true joy of giving from the overflow of God’s goodness.

When you choose to try to get your needs met by being controlling and manipulative then you’re actually affirming that you don’t deserve and you cannot have a truly loving relationship. Is that what you’d like to affirm?

Be the Love to experience the Love.
Be it to see it.
Be loving in all your relationships because that’s where the joy is. The joy is in BEING loving. Joy is in giving without attachment because you have already been given to by God.

Love is patient, Love is Kind.
Love doesn’t need to manipulate, coerce or control.
Love is the ALL in ALL.
Love HAS everything because it IS everything.
Choosing Love is an affirmation of your abundance and prosperity.

Lord make me an instrument of your Peace
Where there is hatred,
let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

You reap as you sow – what are you sowing today?

Where you’ve been controlling and manipulative, own it and apologize. If you often say things in the heat of the moment that you regret later, a simple adjustment could help you stop that for good. You’ll feel better. Forgive yourself and choose Love and compassion for yourself. Remember too, that we teach by example. Teach ONLY Love for that is what you are. To have, give all to all.

Simple statements, that are profoundly life-changing when you choose to live them.

You choose how you will live. You can decide to start today and live a wholly loving life of joy!

When you are loving and clear in all your communication, you’ll see the difference. And if you need a little help getting there, click here for help.

If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful won’t you please share at facebook and twitter to let others know? Thank you!

 

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