Day 23: Sexual Healing

March 10, 2016

When we share our heart, there's always a healing!

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Not many spiritual teachers speak or teach in regard to our sex lives, but I feel it’s valuable to shine some light on an area of our lives that can often hold a lot of shame, confusion, turmoil and seeming darkness. So, let’s talk about sex, baby!

One of the reasons that some people gain a lot of weight, overeat, and self-medicate with food, exercise, work and other things, is to avoid the intimacy and power of their sexual life or lack of it. Almost everyone I’ve ever known and spoken intimately with (remember, I’m a minister and a spiritual counselor for a very long time now), has told me that at some point in their life, they had issues with their sexuality, sex life, sex drive, or sexual relationships. For a lot of people, the intensity of shame, fear, desire or lack of desire can be confusing and confounding at one time or another in their life.

Sometimes what we eat and drink, as well as medications, and how we live, can severely impact our sexual drive, interest and functioning. A lot of people carry so much shame or fear around their sexuality or sex life that they can barely speak of it. It’s terrifying to them.

MANY times I’ve talked with people who tell me they haven’t had sex with their spouse in many years. It’s very confusing for them. In a lot of these cases, the people end up sublimating their feelings with food. I’ve seen it where both people in the couple are in agreement that they’re going to numb themselves with food and drink. They steadily gain weight and one of the reasons, sometimes, is that they then have less interest in sex and intimacy because they don’t feel good about themselves. They intentionally eat to dull their sex drive so that they can stay in a dysfunctional relationship, but there are other choices. The relationship can be healed.

Sometimes people gain a lot of weight in order to avoid being sexually attractive so they can avoid the possibility of intimacy – because intimacy itself is threatening. They’ve been hurt, heartbroken, abused or confused and they are simply not willing to experience more of that and that’s the only possibility they see in their relationship future, so they make themselves unappealing to the opposite sex and often don’t even realize it. Sometimes couples make unspoken agreements not to leave each other and not to be unfaithful and instead they self-medicate to dull all the feelings that they are afraid to feel. This happens a lot. It just makes the fear more intense – like a monster in the closet. The answer is to be willing to turn on the light and have a look.

I’ve known a number of extra large people who have married people who loved them and were attracted to them and the weight wasn’t an issue.

When people start eating healthier, stop self-medicating, and find themselves reawakening to feeling good about themselves and their bodies, the issue of sex and sexuality often comes up. Because making changes like the ones we’re doing in our Pray & Clear has a positive effect on our hormones, energy, vitality, radiance, Joy and happiness, it’s quite likely that continuing in this way, many people will experience these benefits – ALL of which impact our sexuality – as many have reported in our facebook group:

  • release weight
  • skin improvements
  • increased radiance
  • more vitality and energy
  • release depression – greater Joy and happiness
  • healing of illness
  • release of pain
  • sleeping better – more rested
  • exercising more
  • healthier vitals
  • hormonal balancing
  • healthy digestion and regular bowel movements
  • being more aware of opportunities to connect and be intimate
  • decrease in pain
  • no longer needing medications
  • blood pressure stabilizing

Our intimate relationships are the #1 place where we can experience spiritual healing. It’s in our most intimate relationships that we are given the most opportunities to practice compassion, patience, kindness, willingness, generosity and forgiveness. It’s where we can truly be loving and open hearted. It’s where we get to learn how to truly receive Love. It’s a wonderful thing when two people can authentically adore each other. Most people I know have a much harder time receiving Love than being loving.

As we’re going through this cleanse and detox -this reorientation on spiritual, mental, emotional and physical levels – it’s valuable to shine a light on what we’re thinking and even avoiding thinking in this area of our lives so that we can bring the darkness to the light. It might be really tempting to avoid thinking about it, or just gloss over it, but part of why you’re participating in this group healing is to give yourself permission to focus your attention on healing your whole life. Please don’t miss this opportunity to lovingly contemplate how you hold your sexuality in your heart, how you view it in your mind, and what feels like the ideal to you and why.

One of the most wonderful experiences I’ve had in my life was counseling someone who was in their 70’s who decided that it was time they finally started to really give themselves permission to speak up and be authentic and honest. They had been married for about 50 years when I began counseling them. For the first time in all those years of marriage they began to have conversations with their spouse about what they liked and didn’t like sexually. For both of them sex became an exciting and delightful adventure after 50 years of marriage! They were as newlyweds again, and neither of them had a super fit body. They learned how to adore each other, and to love themselves. It was thrilling for both of them.

Here’s a link to a beautiful story of two people who marry for the first time at 60 years old and how learning to sleep with another person in the bed became an adventure.

My invitation to you is to ponder what’s your motivation for your sexual life or lack of it and to discover what you really would like – and to begin to hold that in your mind. Perhaps this is your opportunity for sexual healing, opening your heart, and becoming more receptive to Love and the healing power of loving intimacy. It’s an opportunity to release fear and thoughts of separation.

I know that it’s possible to make your sexual life part of your spiritual practice. I know couples who pray before and during their love-making for more loving connection and being present with each other. Love-making can be a powerful way to practice mindfulness. It might seem scary at first, but it can quickly become profoundly healing and uplifting. In all areas of our life we’re clearing out the false beliefs, the blocks to Love and stepping into the flow of Love and the All Good when we become more mindful. Mindfulness is a powerful, life-changing spiritual practice!

Spiritual practice SAVES time that would otherwise be spent in suffering.
Invest in spiritual practice rather than in suffering.

You may have already noticed an increase in your ability to connect and share in intimate relationships, being more available for connection and just being more present in your life as your health and wellness shifts. Please share in our facebook group your own awareness of how you’re feeling and how that’s affecting your connections in your relationships.

Just because you haven’t experienced Joy and happiness, or even a sense of comfortableness in your sexuality or sex life in the past, doesn’t mean that you can’t have it now. Shifting your eating will shift how you feel about yourself and your self-esteem. So, please remember:

Nothing tastes as good as Joy feels!

On the cleanse side of life: A few words about eating organic: Years ago I made the decision to eat organic as much as possible. Back then organic food was generally A LOT MORE expensive than non organic food. I decided that if it ended up costing me a few hundred dollars a year, it was worth it. I also believed that if more people chose organic foods the demand would increase and the prices would come down and they have. It used to be that organic food didn’t look as good as non-organic food, but that’s not the case anymore. I find that organic always tastes better. I prefer my food without poison on it. When food is grown with the toxic pesticides then the insects aren’t there, and without the insects there are no birds. The birds sing beautiful songs and I believe that birdsongs raise the vibration of the plants – insects have their own songs – there’s a circle of life that can happen in the fields and I prefer to eat my food where the plants are happy and being sung to by the birds and not being sprayed with poison. Food has energy, not just vitamins and minerals and other forms of nutrition. It has life-force and chi. It’s not hard to realize that food that is sprayed with poison isn’t going to have the same life-force as food that isn’t sprayed with poison. Think about it – if you wouldn’t want it sprayed on your skin, do you really want to eat it?

If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful won’t you please share at facebook and twitter to let others know? Thank you!

Come run away with me! Check out my Stop Playing Small Retreat this May in North Carolina! ALSO I’m offering my Spiritual Counseling Intensive Training again – check it out, also in May in North Carolina!

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