I Was A Bully

June 23, 2016

They lit this bridge in Minneapolis as a memorial for the victims in Orlando.

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I was a bully. It’s true. When I was a kid, I was a bully sometimes. As an adult, when I felt threatened, I could also be a bully. I had learned along the way that being a bully can help to get you what you think you want. Unfortunately, what I thought I wanted, wasn’t really the answer. Intimidating people isn’t the power I was looking for.

I have a very strong personality and I learned to both defend and attack. All of my bullying behavior led to tremendous amounts of despair and self-attack. I would feel bad, guilty, ashamed, and out of control. I didn’t like being a bully, and it didn’t feel natural to me. Many times it just felt automatic. When I was threatened, I would turn and attack in order to dissuade anyone from threatening me or getting closer.

I learned that being a bully was actually a defensive way of being. It is exhausting to always be in defense and attack mode. It’s a life of fear. It’s a life of always looking for the next threat.

What I learned is to have compassion for myself. Compassion is loving understanding. Compassion is an expression of Love. Love is the only healer there is in this world because Love is our natural state. When we choose to Love and be loving, then we’re rebooting and recalibrating to our natural state.

If you have fear in your life, start to practice having compassion for the bully. The tendency is to attack the attacker. The attacker always feels attacked because that’s the energy they’re putting out. What you put out will return to you magnified and multiplied. If there’s a bully in your life and you’re feeling attacked, looking your heart – are you secretly attacking?

To feel more safe, have loving understanding for the bully. That’s exactly what Martin Luther King, Jr. did. It’s why I find that his Loving Your Enemies is such a powerful and beautiful sermon. I highly encourage you to take a listen, and read along as you do – you can get the full sermon by clicking here. It can be life-changing.

I only wish that when I was a bully that people had had more compassion for me. That would have been deeply healing for me. Mostly people just increased my sense of feeling bad and wrong by wanting to punish me, not understand me. I get it. I’ve felt that way too.

My own self-compassion and forgiveness healed me. I can thank Dr. King for helping me with that.

They say that our life is a curriculum that teaches us what we need to learn. I needed to learn compassion and now I can teach it. I’m so grateful for every lesson that’s ever been given to me and I wish to learn them and receive them with grace. I AM so very blessed.

What blessings are you rejecting that you could open and receive? What bully could you have compassion for and help redeem? Would you be wiling to Love your perceived enemies? Let there be Peace on earth and let it begin with us today.

If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful won’t you please share at facebook and twitter to let others know? Thank you!

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