Healing the Shame

August 28, 2017

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I didn’t realize it, but I was preventing myself from having healthy self-esteem.  I was actively ignoring the warning signs from Spirit, and I was degrading my own sense of well-being and worthiness.  And to a large degree, I didn’t recognize the effects of the choices I was making.  In a sense, I was, “My own worst enemy.”

When I gave myself permission to attack others, to judge and criticize them, to blame and shame them, I didn’t realize it, but I was preventing myself from having healthy self-esteem.

Because we share the same mind, and we can’t really hide our thoughts from anyone.  It was as though I was covering myself with garbage and thinking no one would notice.

Things began to change for me when I realized what A Course in Miracles means when it says, “There are no private thoughts.”

Once, I was willing to actually accept that the One Mind is a fact, and that we all share and have access to the one and only Mind of God, I began to choose different thoughts.

I became aware that my every negative thought I had was a form of pollution I was sharing with all of life.  My personal negativity, even if it seemed as though I was keeping it to myself, was like toxic waste poured into the collective drinking supply.

Similarly, every loving thought brings a healing benefit to all.

When I saw even a glimpse of the power of my thought, I made the commitment to focus on changing my mind.

I set the goal of cultivating an awareness of my thoughts and beliefs.  I decided to be truly mindful.  It felt like a burden in the beginning.  It felt overwhelming to realize how focused on negativity I was.  I decided to actively replace the negativity with loving thoughts and actions.  But as I began to take out the trash from my mind and let Spirit heal it back to the root cause, there was less trash in my mind and I began to noticeably feel better about myself right away.

I saw that every time I chose a loving thought, I actually felt better about myself. That was tangible and it felt miraculous.  I was so grateful that I could start to feel that I was being truly helpful instead of feeling like I was a monster.

I decided to focus on being aware of shame thoughts so that I could eliminate them.  I was so grateful I could eliminate thinking that was designed to keep me feeling badly about myself.  I was ashamed of playing small and living in limitation.  Shame comes directly from believing limited thoughts that aren’t true.

You cannot feel ashamed unless you believe a lie.
Shame drags our Self-Esteem to the ground.

We’re taught to feel ashamed of our thoughts and our desires.  The idea is that if we’re ashamed, then we won’t act upon it – but we all know it’s not true.  Consider all of us who just hide what we’re thinking and feeling.

We’re taught to feel ashamed about how we look and how we feel.  We can change our minds about these things.  We can recognize that just because we have a thought doesn’t mean we are shame-full.

In my experience as a spiritual counselor for 17 years, many people have told me the things they’re most ashamed of and through the sharing of it, they’ve been able to relinquish the shame they felt.  Bringing things to the light is deeply healing, when it’s done with someone who can be 100% compassionate and loving – and we can give ourselves this gift of Love if there’s no person who can support us.

Shame has no value to our Spirit, which is ever expansive and unprecedented – only the ego values living in lack and limitation.  Being supportive and loving has value and keeps us in the flow of Love, which unites us with healing, Prosperity, and God’s Infinite Goodness.  The more loving we are, the less shame we feel, the more self-esteem we have.

The beginning of transformation for me, came in being willing to be aware of ALL my thoughts.  I began to replace the attack thoughts with thoughts that extended Love.  And lo and behold!  I began to self-medicate less and less, because I was more and more willing to be aware of my thoughts, because they were more and more loving.

I was building my self-esteem in two ways:

I was decreasing my shame by reducing my negativity.

The less negativity I had, the less interested I was in self-medicating;
The less self-medicating I did, the better I felt about myself.

Shame is a cycle.  I would get triggered with low self-esteem thoughts, and then I’d engage in self-medication (low self-esteem behavior), and that would give me something to feel ashamed about, and then I’d want to self-medicate to forget about how I felt.  The cycle would repeat and it felt like a whirlpool pulling me in.

Choosing loving thoughts, changes the direction of the whirlpool.  What I found, was that I began to spiral up and feeling better and better about myself, I was inspired and motivated to keep going and increasing my awareness.

I began to build on my success and I feel as though I climbed out of a very intense whirlpool.  I was more than willing – I had a great desire to change my life and I let Spirit show me the way.  It worked and it continues to work.  And this is precisely why I teach my classes the way that I do.  I know the benefit of doing this work and I know how hard it is to do it on my own.

Yesterday, I started this series on Building Healthy Self-Esteem, and this is part two.  You can read part one by clicking here.

If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful, won’t you please share at facebook and twitter to let others know?  Thank you!

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