Healing the Guilt

November 26, 2017

Mikey, me, and Alex, on the morning of my birthday, 2014, with me still in my bathrobe.

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As a spiritual leader, I feel it’s important to be setting a shining example at all times.  In keeping with that, I’m pleased to let you know that as I write this, having just had a huge piece of pumpkin pie (homemade, of course) for breakfast, I am running on Pumpkin Power!

On Friday, I went to an early morning pilates class, which is my thing when I’m in New Jersey as I am now.  (I love pilates on the reformer.) The teacher of the pilates class made an assumption that most of us would be hungover and that we would all be ashamed of ourselves for over-eating and feeling guilty for having indulged.  She, therefore, intended to subject us to a rigorous workout so we could feel better about ourselves and release some of that shame and guilt by building up some merit by working out extra hard.

And so the ego says:

You cannot win in this system.
You cannot get ahead, because you are a sinner.
The best you can do is find a method for compensating for your sinful ways
– but at least you have that.
And you also have good reason to self-medicate,
because this stuff is CRA-ZEEEEE

And people just buy it because it’s so much a part of the mainstream.

I didn’t make a big deal out of it, but I did quietly mention that I didn’t overeat or feel hungover.

Sure, I had a full load of rich, delicious food, but I didn’t make myself uncomfortable by eating too much.

My nephews, Mikey and Alex, and I made pies.  Three of them:  Pumpkin, Pecan, and Dutch Apple.  And all of them were SO totally delicious, but I knew that if I ate anymore after that very filling turkey dinner, I’d be regretting it later, and out of Self-Love, I didn’t do that.

What I did, instead, was affirm that I could have pumpkin pie for breakfast and I did.  I had TWO pieces of pumpkin pie with whipped cream (homemade, so delicious, YUM!) on BOTH of them not long after pilates and I felt so good about it.  I had one big piece today, but no whipped cream, only because there wasn’t any left.  And I may have pumpkin pie again for breakfast tomorrow if there’s any left.

The best part of the pies was making them with Mikey and Alex,  and being able to spend hours in the kitchen with them hanging out, listening to David Bowie and Neil Young, two of my favorites, and just groovin’ with the goodness.

I’m really learning, on a day-to-day, moment-by-moment basis, how to make the choices I feel good about and simply walk in that energy of Love.  Love has all the power to heal our lives if we’re willing to stand in it.

I don’t need to argue with the pilates teacher and tell her she’s deluded about her assumptions and that it’s wrong to lay the guilt and the shame on us.  (BTW, she mentioned that she got up at 4 a.m. to eat pie.)  I knew it was projection.  I knew her strong INTENTION was to be helpful and supportive to us in feeling good about ourselves in the ways she knew how.  She had NO intention to further the belief in guilt, sin, shame, and suffering.

To be bothered by the pilates teacher’s remarks would be to make it all so real.  I would have done that in the past, and I would have upset myself, and I would have needed to be right about how wrong she was.  I would have needed to show her and teach her how wrong she was, and school her about what was right so she could be FREE of that ego insanity.

Now, I have learned, and most of the time, I remember, that LOVE is the healer, not my words.  My loving heart is the healer, not what I remember reading in a book.  Love is an active remembrance of our true identity

Every day, this world offers us more ways to practice and more opportunities to eat pie.  It’s such an amazing place to live!

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