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This is part 1 of a 3 part series. There was a time in my life when I accumulated a lot of spiritual information thinking that it was going to expand my spiritual awareness. There was a large stack of spiritual books by my bed. Every time a spiritual teacher came to Los Angeles I would go to hear them speak and then buy their books (and get them autographed, of course).
But I didn’t read all those books and so they became more of a burden than a help. They were stacked up on my nightstand, and even beside my nightstand, taunting me, reminding me that I “should” be reading them. If I was a true spiritual student, I’d read all those darn books – or stop buying them. But I didn’t do either. I hung out in limbo land. I was damned by my ego for buying the books and damned by ego for not reading them.
When a friend called me an intellectual, it felt like a dirty name. I wanted to be somebody who lived from my heart! “Don’t tell me I’m just up in my head!” Obviously, I got triggered by it because I knew I was living up in my head and not from my heart, like I truly wished to be.
I was collecting all this spiritual information, thinking it was going to help me change. Of course, information couldn’t change me. I was identified with a small, selfish, separate, ego-self instead of my true identity, which is magnificent and beautiful and wise and wonderful. A book wasn’t going to change that. Only my own willingness to let the false beliefs go would bring a change. Spirit would bring the change if I was willing.
When we hold onto old beliefs, such as the belief that we can live in our minds and somehow have an amazing spiritual existence, we build our whole world around these beliefs. Then, we interpret everything through this belief system and what we experience proves what we believe. We’re living from our intellect, which is the ego, and the ego is a meaning-making machine. It interprets everything, and it interprets according to our belief system.
In a sense, we begin to believe that the ego is something that has a personality, that it’s a being with a mind of its own. But it isn’t. It’s so important we begin to understand that, if we believe in lack and limitation, we’re going to experience lack and limitation. It’s up to us to shift it, so that we can have a different experience.
One of the most wonderful things that Spirit helped me to see, that I’m forever grateful for, is this:
If I’m trying to understand something, no matter what it is, if I’m trying to figure it out, if I’m trying to understand it, if I’m trying to make sense of it, I’m in my ego. I’m in my intellect. I am not in my spirit.
I’m not aligned with Spirit if I’m trying to figure it out and make sense of it. Because everything that the ego doesn’t understand and doesn’t know, the Spirit knows.
If I’m willing to open up to Spirit, listen to Spirit, and be guided by Spirit, I will remember that I already know.
I remember the healing that comes when I’m willing to stand back from my beliefs, my interpretations and the meaning I made of everything, and instead say, as it says in A Course in Miracles, Lesson 25, “I do not know what anything is for.”
So, how do we make this shift from living up in our head, letting the intellect drive our choices to living from our heart and allowing Spirit to guide our choices? I’ll share more in Part Two tomorrow!
If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful, won’t you please share at facebook and twitter to let others know? Thank you!