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I’ve shared a lot about how much my mother’s journey with terminal illness helped me to really LIVE A Course in Miracles. It was the incentive that changed my life.
I used the holidays, such as Thanksgiving, to accelerate our family’s healing, too. I’ve shared, many times, that I’ve had so many of my birthdays on Thanksgiving Day, or the day before, the day after, and all around the holiday.
I’ve had my family eat my birthday cake without me – when I was just in the next room, they didn’t even bother to call me to join them as they ate my cake. Yes, it’s true.
I’ve had my best friends in the whole world not wish me a happy birthday and completely forget it was my birthday.
I’ve organized things to celebrate my birthday with friends and with family, on different occasions, and everyone bailed on me.
And, I’ve learned to get over it all.
I’ve also ruined many a family holiday because I got triggered, and got so angry that I just destroyed any possibility of a good time. I’ve even done it when everyone came to my house and I cooked the meal.
I used to feel as though I got so triggered, so intensely and so frequently, that there was no hope for me to have good relationships. It seemed perfectly impossible to me. I really felt hopeless.
But, I learned that I wasn’t helpless.
I learned to do what I now call PARTNERING UP.
I learned to pray, effectively and with great sincerity, and prayers work.
Prayers REALLY work, but you do have to pray effectively, and then be willing to accept the answered prayer.
For example, when my precious Mom was so sick, I prayed to release all blocks to Love between us so that we could be completely in the flow of Love before she left this world. I was so intent on it.
Spirit gave me the opportunity to go to Maine to visit my parents many times in the last years of my Mom’s life, and to spend more time with her.
On one visit, it was planned that I would go for two weeks to take my Mom to her radiation treatments. The drive alone was a three-hour round trip from the island where my parents lived and the hospital. It took more than four hours to do the whole trip, and it was winter time, so we often took longer because of snow and ice.
My mother had about a month of treatments, so I took the middle two weeks, to spare my father having to do all the driving.
It was a gray, wintry bleak time, but I found stand up comedy, and audio books, and things that I thought my Mom and I could enjoy together and listen to.
During those two weeks, I had made a commitment to myself that I wasn’t going to judge my mother for anything, no matter what. I was going to completely Love and accept her. This was my big opportunity to have healing.
There were times when I’d have to go into the bedroom, shut the door, and get down on my knees to pray to release all judgments.
This is when I learned that Higher Holy Spirit Self really would take the thoughts out of my mind, if I was sincerely wishing to let them go. I had so much mental healing in that time.
I prayed, and prayed, and prayed to give up the need to be right. I prayed to release every trigger and every unhealed resentment and regret.
I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that I punished my Mom for tolerating a lot of my anger and upset. I felt so guilty for being mean to her and saying mean things.
That guilt turned into fear and frustration that I couldn’t find a way out. If she had pushed back, and been able to help me with it more, that would have been great – but that was not my path of learning.
I see, now, that everything I learned I get to share in my classes and help people with it step-by-step because I had to learn to rely on Spirit to show me. I had to really focus, and pay attention, and learn the way out.
I had to give up all blame in order to get out.
I had to rely up on Spirit, and find my way into my loving heart, because Love is the only healer and the only way out.
It felt so impossible to me, but I couldn’t bear the pain of failure anymore. I had to believe that Spirit would lead me. I had to learn to trust in God, rather than my own opinions and perceptions.
In that two weeks of radiation treatments, I focused on total acceptance and Love of my mother. I put everything I had into releasing the judgments and seeing with God’s Eyes.
I practiced being the one who went first with Love, and I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
At the end of the visit, I was leaving to go back home to Los Angeles, my mother said she thought this was the nicest visit we ever had.
We spent 2 weeks of driving half the day back and forth to radiation treatments in the cold winter snow and mess, and it was the nicest visit we ever had. Why? Because I focused on eliminating the blocks to Love and just loved without attachment.
It brings tears to my eyes, still, because I still have a little bit of sadness for all of the opportunities to be loving that I missed.
But I don’t look back, except to continue to harvest the Wisdom and move forward with more Love, and more Love, and more Love.
We can all be the fulcrum point of healing in our family.
We can all rely upon the Spirit for our healing.
We can all practice nonjudgment.
It requires no longer giving Love and acceptance in order to get anything back. We must give without attachment.
No need for recognition or appreciation.
We give Love because it’s our Divine Opportunity to be our true self and be truly helpful.
It all gets so much easier to practice when we forgive ourselves for our debts and our trespasses.
I had to forgive myself for all the things I felt guilty about, so I was no longer feeling horrible about myself. Self-forgiveness is the only way.
And that’s why I offer my Forgiveness Letter tool.
Please get it and use it. It only works if you do it.
Click here to get my Family Forgiveness class – it’s my gift to you to support your family.
No matter how far gone things may seem in our relationships, Spirit knows the way back to Love, if we’re willing, and even if we’ve never been there.
If we’re willing, Spirit will show us the way.
I share what I learned in my Masterful Living Course 2019 registration is open NOW with an early-bird price to inspire you to commit now and not get distracted. At no charge, you can also book an Exploratory Call to speak with one of the Spiritual Counselors who has already done the program, and they can help you be clear if this is right for you, right now.
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