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It’s Easter morning, the sun is rising here in New Jersey, and I’m going to share a bit of my crucifixion journey with you.
I wasn’t nailed to a cross.
I wasn’t tortured by someone else.
The pain of it was that I was doing it to myself. I was torturing myself.
The primary way that I made life so hard and painful for myself was the way in which I chose to look at everything – which was completely under my control.
I was a fault-finder. I was a chronic complainer. My trust and faith were in my own opinions, and my own ability to control and manipulate people with anger. And until I changed that, I was the perpetrator of my own crucifixion.
I expected to be let down by others.
I expected to be rejected.
Sometimes I would even hurry the process of disappointment and dejection so that I could just get past the inevitable.
Right now, I’m very blessed and I’m highly aware of it. We’re at a place in the Masterful Living Curriculum (my yearlong course) where I get to have 1-on-1 meetings with the folks in class. I get to know them better and learn about what’s most important to them. I really LOVE this opportunity to get to know people from all over the world who are on this personal healing journey together with me.
One of the most common things I hear from folks is that they have been in A Course in Miracles Study Groups and studying ACIM for years with little sense of really shifting their life and relieving their challenges. I can SO relate to that. For years they studied and took classes, went to retreats, meditated, and did all kinds of things without finding a whole lot of relief or a deepening connection with God.
They tell me that in just a short period of doing the work in our classes they are having more healing, more expansion, more connection with Spirit than in YEARS of study.
That’s exactly what happened for me.
I was still finding myself writhing in emotional pain for the mistakes I was making in my relationships and in life. I was constantly judging myself for not being good enough —
EVEN THOUGH I was studying spirituality ALL THE TIME.
The only conclusion I could come to was that “It must be me. Something’s wrong with ME.”
And there was my crucifixion.
Until, I decided to go for it.
To really LIVE it, for REAL.
To be ALL-IN.
And stop kidding myself.
Deep down, we know that spiritual growth and healing isn’t an intellectual process.
We really do KNOW it.
In our heart, we know that we’re hiding behind the study and the books.
Even though we WANT the changes, in our heart, we’re not willing to do what it takes,
… and we KNOW it.
We know that being half-baked, kind of-sort of “in” doesn’t heal our mind.
I was a student for so long – searching and trying and studying.
I was a really good student.
I was good at seeking, but not REALLY finding.
Now I feel more like a devotee or a disciple.
Devotion is a way of life. It’s a way of being.
And I get that it’s not for everyone.
But it has been my path of greatest happiness, fulfillment, Joy, and success in my relationships and in my contributions to life.
I’ll be honest, I avoided this shift of going ALL-IN because I thought I’d have to give up the things I enjoyed and the pleasures in life. I really didn’t want to give those up, because I felt like that’s all I had.
I have had more than one person tell me that they didn’t go ALL-IN because they didn’t want to give up one or more of these things:
- Nightly ice cream
- Glass or 2, or 3 of wine
- Binge-watching TV
- Sexual fantasies
- Blaming someone for their problems
I had all of those. I did. I didn’t want to give up any of that, and more. Cigarettes.
I really truly used to feel that those “pleasures” were ALL that I had.
Those indulgences were all that was “for me”. Everything else was for someone else, and it was hard, and difficult, and confusing and NOT FUN.
Those “pleasures” were all that stood between me and total unhappiness.
As I write these words on Easter morning, I’m remembering what that crucifixion energy felt like for me.
My shift didn’t happen overnight or because I read a book.
My shift came through really LIVING the teachings of A Course in Miracles.
I began to apply it day by day.
I began to focus on the practical application, and I made that the focus of my life.
Now I can see that I made the RESURRECTION the focus of my life, instead of the crucifixion.
ACIM Lesson 190 tell us “Pain is a wrong perspective.”
I shifted my focus from looking at the past and reliving the crucifixion
– to living in the present, choosing resurrection.
All I’ve really had to give up is the causes of my suffering.
I gave them to Spirit for healing, and they have been healed.
I have challenges every day, but I don’t suffer.
And my own personal repeating patterns of crucifixion.
This weekend we’ve had Passover and Easter, as well as a full moon. It’s a time to take stock and, for me, it’s a time to choose resurrection.
I am releasing all vestiges of the crucifixion.
I am focused on resurrection.
I am choosing resurrection of the awareness of my true identity. This is my focus and my intent.
IMPORTANT: I’m committed to releasing the habits of learning through the contrast of my experiences, and I am choosing to dedicate and devote myself to remembering the truth instead.
Experience is wonderful.
I’m not giving it up.
But that’s not how I prefer to learn anymore.
I’m willing to have direct insight and follow it.
I’m more clear than ever that we can remember the truth, rather than try to understand it through experiential learning, which takes time. And that’s what I share in my classes: How to become that active, happy learner rather than having to repeat the same painful patterns for years on end while our ego becomes so spiritual trying to learn what our Spirit already knows and the ego never will.
Through my practice of prayer, in the way ACIM teaches, I learned that what Earnest Holmes, the founder of Science of Mind, said is true: “The only time it takes to have a healing is the time that it takes to have a realization.” Our realization of our own Wholeness, Beauty and perfection is at hand. The time is now. It’s our belief that healing takes time that we must surrender. It’s a false construct that no longer serves us.
We are in the time of transfiguration and resurrection.
We can have a realization of Wholeness now.
Because we have believed healing takes time, it seemed to be so.
It’s not true. It’s a false concept. Time is nothing and it has no power.
There is one power: Love.
Love is our healer because Love is what we are.
When we remember to Love, we are healed of false perceptions.
Love IS a realization of the truth.
The truth is a revelation of Love.
I am already as holy as holy can be.
I cannot become any more holy.
My work is to remember this is true and stop forgetting.
ACIM says, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” T16:IV:6 We’re already there. We already have the golden ticket!
Our journey has been one of forgetting and remembering. That’s all. We forgot our true identity, our Wholeness, our Beauty and our Perfection. The way to remember it is to seek the Kingdom first. The Kingdom is within. It’s in our own heart. It’s already there.
ACIM tells us that our heart is the Altar of God, and that the barriers to Love are the false idols we have upon the altar. We must be willing to release our attachment to the false idols by letting go and giving them to the Higher Holy Spirit Self for healing. That’s all. That’s it.
And then, we’re sure to have everything added unto us. The full realization of our true identity will be revealed. It’s only hiding behind the crowd of false idols upon the altar of our heart.
The false idols are the grievances we hold. False idols are our attachments to what we think will make us happy. In Lesson 24, ACIM tells us, “In no situation that arises do you realize the outcome that would make you happy.” He’s unequivocal. There’s NO situation in which we know how to choose what will actually make us happy. In Lesson 25, he tells us this is because we “do not know what anything is for.”
Consider how emphatic he is. When we’re holding onto grievances, we don’t know what anything in our life is for, and we don’t have a single clue as to what would make us happy. That’s clear. That’s not hard to understand, unless we’re willing to sacrifice our happiness in order to hold onto our grievances. And for a long, long time, I was willing to make that sacrifice, but not anymore.
I finally realized that there’s no way I can let go of the pain of the past as long as I keep interpreting it the same way. I have to let go of the meaning I’ve made of things in order to stop blocking my happiness. It’s a decision I must make. No one else can do it for me.
In order for the pain of my self-made crucifixion to end, I had to change my perspective.
Over the course of the last 14 years or so, I’ve finally come to realize that I’d rather be happy. I’ve come to discover that I actually CAN be happy almost all of the time. I can be peaceful. Twenty years ago I wouldn’t have believed it was ever possible. Now I am living this way. It’s a miracle.
I am choosing the resurrection every day.
I’m letting go of the crucifixion every day.
And, I’m dedicating my life to supporting those who are interested in this too. I feel so blessed for the community we’re creating. Around me I see people cultivating a great willingness. I see many who are challenged and I see many who are rising above the challenges. We are doing it, and we’re doing it together.
Over and over again, I see the people around me letting go of their grievances and handing them to Spirit to heal. I see them moving into a greater and greater willingness, and I see their bodies healing, their relationships healing, their finances healing, their self-esteem healing. Everything in their lives is healing.
These people are healing so much faster than I did,
Because they have so much more willingness than I did,
And each one’s willingness inspires another.
The more willing we are, the easier it is.
This I’ve proved, and others prove it around me every day.
Today I feel victorious, because I’m more willing than ever before.
Today I feel the resurrection is happening, and the crucifixion is fading from my mind.
I put myself and everyone else in my life upon the cross, and now we’re moving on.
I’m done with that FOREVER.
I Love you, and I thank God for you. We bless each other with our willingness to rise in God and come back into our right minds. Together we truly are leaving the crucifixion behind and choosing our resurrection! Hallelujah!
Are you interested in joining me? I had so much miraculous healing in my family and in my heart that I had to share it with others. That’s why 11 years ago, I created a boot camp class called Family Freedom. The very first time I offered it, shortly after my mother’s passing in 2008, people also had amazing and miraculous healing. I realized that the curriculum was really all about applying the ACIM principles in a way that brought Freedom from fear, and so I’ve continued to work on this class and update it and now I call it Finding Freedom From Fear.
This class is so powerful and transformative that it’s also a requirement for my Spiritual Counseling Certification Program.
I haven’t offered this class in six months, but I’m thinking of offering it soon. I’m thinking of doing something special next time I offer it so that people can do the class with a friend or family member, as there is definitely strength in joining with a partner. If you’d like to be on the waiting list so you can join me next time I offer it, you can go here to sign up for the waiting list and I’ll keep you posted.
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