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A Course in Miracles tells us that keeping us feeling guilty is what our special Love relationships are all about. It tells us that our special Love relationships are relationships that are actually backward. Instead of unconditional Love there’s co-dependency, which is conditional Love. This kind of relationship only increases our suffering because we become so attached to the other person validating us.
In the special Love relationship, we are attracted to the person who affirms our false identity. That’s not Love. It’s a poor substitute.
In our special relationships, we begin by being so glad and excited that someone is affirming our specialness, but we know that if someone’s not seeing our true identity, they aren’t loving our true Self, only the false self. Deep down, we know it’s a poor arrangement.
If we don’t show our true Self, how can someone ever really love us?
If we present a false self in our relationships – one that we think is more likable than our true Self, and if we hide how we feel so people don’t even know what’s going on with us, won’t we actually be preventing others from loving us?
The shift happens when we love ourselves.
In the false, fake, special relationship, our upset is a display to manipulate others into feeling guilty for having upset us. Is it Love if we’re manipulating someone to do what we’d like?
Do you wish to be in a relationship with someone who blames their upset on you and then tries to make you feel guilty for it?
The way out of this pain is to take responsibility for our upsets. It helps to be able to be transparent about how we feel and to not blame anyone.
There’s such a great reward when we can let people Love us. It’s one of the reasons why we love dogs so much. We allow them to love us, and it makes them so happy!
When we allow others to love us, there’s a healing that happens for everyone because Love is our healer!