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At this time of year, our feelings of grief can become overwhelming. For some people, this is the first holiday season without their loved one who passed. For some, this is the last holiday season with a loved one who is preparing to depart. Either way, it can bring up intense grief.
Experiencing what feels like a great loss of any kind, whether it’s a loved one, a job, or any type of identification can be extremely difficult. It can feel overwhelming like no other thing we experience.
Grief can feel shattering for the ego, the personality.
And then sometimes, for some people, the grief can morph into a sense that their grief and suffering are what make them special. If the suffering goes on a while, it can be difficult to let go of. It becomes part of their new (false) identification. The martyr takes over and it can feel very sticky.
Grief is never wrong. It’s not a failure. It’s a part of our human experience.
Grief can include an unwillingness to give up a strong attachment.
In Spirit, we are eternally One, so there’s no relationship we have to actually give up. Yet for us to be happy, we do have to give up the attachment. Releasing an attachment is deeply healing, but it can feel very sad and disorienting.
The grief itself can just be another expression of the attachment to the relationship – and that’s a VERY important and valuable distinction. In a sense, attachments are false idols. They can never make us happy.
We can lose a loved one, a job, a home, etc, and confront our attachment, release it and feel great Freedom, Peace, and Joy while still loving our loved one, our former job, our former home. Giving up the attachment doesn’t mean giving up that which we love, it means giving up the attachment and ONLY the attachment.
When we become identified in our own mind as the one who suffers, the one who is without and in lack, sometimes we begin to affirm it over and over again all day long. It’s insidious. And it can happen REALLY fast. It’s like a virus that takes over our heart, our mind, and then our identity
One time I had an experience of meeting two other women at an event. It was just before Mother’s Day, and we quickly discovered that all three of our precious mothers had seemingly died of cancer. If we had wanted to, we could have formed a club – the “dead cancer mom’s club” or something like that.
I don’t identify as someone who has “lost” her Mom because I feel she’s with me in Spirit always. I’m One with her, so she can’t be gone from me even though I don’t see her anymore. I feel her. She’s gone ahead and not far away.
I don’t identify with being motherless because I don’t live in the past. I sometimes briefly recall the past, but not often – and when I do, I share from what I’ve learned in my experiences because that feels truly helpful for others and that’s my aspiration, to be truly helpful to my brothers and sisters in this world.
Living in the past, no matter how great it might have been, only makes for a limited experience of Love now. For myself, I’ve learned there’s absolutely no value in holding onto the past. I can let ALL of it go.
I have found that offering any grief and suffering to the Higher Holy Spirit Self for healing has worked.
Of course, it doesn’t work if you’re not actually willing. It can take a while to get to the point of real willingness. It’s worth it.
Suffering IS optional – no matter what your experience has been in this world – you can let it go and willingness is ALL that’s required.