- Jennifer Hadley - https://jenniferhadley.com -

Should

Have you ever been a fake friend? I have. I can remember that I used to pretend to be friends with people I really didn’t care about. Now, as I look back, I wonder what was that really all about?

I lived with a lot of SHOULDS hanging over me. in fact, my life was mostly shoulds. I was often telling myself:

You should do this.
You shouldn’t do that.

Should, should, shoulding all over myself and everyone else.

That’s what the judging mind does.
Should is a kind of attack thought.  

Wishing it were different, thinking that it SHOULD be different is a major pre-occupation of the ego.

When there’s a “should” there’s a judgment.

Thinking that I SHOULD be friends with someone led me to collect some fake friends. Fake friends were people I felt obligated to hang out with, but that I actually had zero real interest in. How crazy is that? They had some kind of connection I wanted to something I thought I needed. I was willing to invest huge amounts of time, energy [1], effort and money into maintaining fake friendships.

I remember feeling that there was some “rule” about how often to get together. There was a rule about how often to call each other. I made sure I was operating within the rules so that no one could label [2] me as bad or wrong. It was all about how people perceived me, what I projected and my own self-perception. I had already labeled myself as bad and wrong and so I wanted to avoid anyone else adding to my pain.

The more I opened my spiritual practice to include my whole life, the more those fake friends fell away. Obligations fell away. I gave myself permission to choose from Love and that transformed everything. Spiritual practice really IS the great healer.

People know when you’re not really with them in your heart [3]. Why behave in a false way? It makes for an empty life.  Doesn’t it just reinforce lack, fear, the value of appearances? Let us all be whole heartedly available to LOVE fully and completely in each moment.  That’s what we’re designed for – and that’s why it feels so good when we have the courage [4] to live that way.

It’s never too late to start over. Give the Higher Holy Spirit Self the heavy lifting and relax into the healing [5]! Be a TRUE friend to your Self – your Higher Self and let the false friendships be healed!