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One time I was talking with a new friend who was telling me all about her troubles. One thing was clear in what she was sharing with me and that was that she was preparing for being disappointed and upset.
I said to her, “don’t plan for your unhappiness if you’d rather be happy.”
I remember it because she thought that was so helpful and she reminded me of it for a long time afterwards.
Myself, I have frequently been in the position she was in that day. She really was planning to be unhappy. Her expectations of misery were high, but they didn’t have to be.
Many times we are actually looking forward to being upset, and especially disappointed because then we get to be SO right about how unworthy we are and/or how bad others are.
It’s a game of “I’m bad, you’re bad, we all fall down!”
I spent too much of my life anticipating being disappointed, and then be righteously upset.
I don’t think of it as a waste because now I’ve learned a lot and I’m able to support others who are looking to kick that same self-sabotaging habit.
Self-sabotage is fierce. Every little thing we can learn about it is helpful to us.
Let’s not claim our pain and say things like “my disease, my loss, my fear.” Instead we can say the disease, the loss, the fear, rather than claim it as ours.
Similarly, we don’t have to anticipate being upset or rehearse and plan for it. Instead, we can plan for our happiness, and being supported by the universe.
It’s about being willing to make new habits to have new experiences. It works.
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