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Guilt is not really my thing.
When I was a kid, my grandmother would often try to make me feel guilty in order to manipulate me and I learned to throw that off. I developed a teflon coating for guilt. It still comes up from time to time, and I’ve learned a lot about how to let guilt go.
The number one way to release the guilt is to not put guilt on anyone else. It’s like I say all the time:
the judger always feels judged
the attacker always feels attacked
the lover always feels beloved
Let’s add: the guilt-er always feels guilty (and secretly ashamed)
I’ve learned to ask myself: Which would you like to feel, Jennifer? Guilty or Beloved? You’re in charge of your choices, so why choose to feel guilty and ashamed when you could feel Beloved?
You may be trying to make people feel guilty and perhaps not even be aware of it.
When you’re upset, if you feel in ANY WAY that it’s someone else’s fault and you tell them you’re upset – you’re probably, perhaps unconsciously, trying to blame them and make them feel guilty and ashamed. This will only cause you to feel guilty and ashamed – perhaps unconsciously. Next thing you know, you’re depressed and self-medicating. Yuck – the wet, stinky blanket of despair has landed, self-inflicted. Ugh.
If you believe that you have the power to make other people happy, to fix their lives, to rescue them or heal them and you withhold Love from them, you probably will feel guilty because you might also be punishing them, consciously or unconsciously.
If you feel upset, and you feel it will help you to tell other people about it, make sure you don’t feel they’re responsible. If you do feel they’re responsible for your feelings then take ownership of it like this:
“I’m feeling upset and I know it’s not you’re fault. It’s my crazy thinking. I’d like to talk it through with you, so that I can take total responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and heal this crazy thinking. Are you willing to help me talk it through?”
However, if you have a secret desire to blame them and shame them for “making you” feel upset, then don’t go talk with them – unless they’re really skilled at being able to recognize you’re exposing your crazy secret desire to blame and shame. Responsibility is the way out. Taking TOTAL ownership of our feelings is the only way to have a truly healing and productive conversation.
Remember, the ego loves to pick a fight, to blame and to shame and that will only leave you feeling guilty and ashamed.
There’s just no benefit to trying to make others responsible for your upset. Heal that habit and your life will become more loving, more prosperous and more harmonious! Woo hoo!
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If you’d like to get in on all this unfolding healing and the Joy that comes with discovering we can really truly prove that God works in our lives, don’t hesitate – jump now! Join now!
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