I was a grudge holder

September 5, 2021

Victory! Grateful to let the grudges and grievances go! YES! Freedom!

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I was a fierce and dedicated grudge holder.  It felt like my job.  It was a strong part of my false, ego identity.  

I believed my grudges and grievances, if properly held and kept alive, would protect me from more pain.  

Nothing was further from the truth.  Literally.

Fortunately, I had a realization that I could go the other way.

That’s one of the reasons why a favorite quote of mine from ANY spiritual teacher, came from Ernest Holmes, author of The Science of Mind.  Holmes said, “Healing does not take time.  The only time that it takes to have a healing is the time that it takes to have a realization.”  

Having a realization is different than an aha, but it’s similar.  

A realization is life-changing.

When I was in the prayer practitioner training at Agape back in the 90’s I had a realization that truly changed how I lived every single day of my life.  No kidding.  It was that powerful.

Catch this:  I realized that if I didn’t judge myself for my errors, but instead, could have loving compassion for myself, then there’d be more love expressed in the world BECAUSE I made an error – and that was good and beneficial for ALL beings!

Choosing to have compassion for myself, meant that I wasn’t judging myself.  There’s no way to be in judgment of myself AND also hold myself in Love simultaneously.  By choosing to stop judging myself, and instead to extend loving understanding to myself, I was learning how to live without taking offense and then no forgiveness was necessary.  

This is Freedom.  TRUE Freedom.

And this was how I began to practice forgiveness AS non-judgment.  When there’s no judgment, no forgiveness is necessary and life is MUCH easier.  This way we can stay in our loving hearts and there’s no back tracking to clean up a mess.  I really like that.  

Plus, it’s much more peaceful.  Easier on the nerves.  More productive.  

It was around this same time that people began to say things to me like “you’re so full of light.”  I would look around to see who they were talking to, because I knew it couldn’t possibly be me.  

Full of Light?  Me?  Nah.

I remember saying to my BFF, “can you believe people are saying I’m a real light in the world?  That’s so crazy.”  

And she said to me, “Yeah, Jennifer, you ARE a light in this world.”  

Who?  Me?  What?

More and more people began to comment on how light-filled I was.  I knew then as I know now, that it was because of this practice of non-judgment.  It was because every day I had the opportunity to turn my seeming errors into successes.   

And every day, more Love was being expressed in the world because I made the error.

For instance, let’s say I’m going somewhere and all of a sudden it starts to pour rain and I don’t have an umbrella and now I’m running into all kinds of issues and I’m going to be late and show up all soaking wet too.  I didn’t check the weather, didn’t plan ahead and now I’m in the soup.  I call this a “tactical error.”  

When there’s a tactical error I say to myself, “well, here’s a good learning for me.  I’m a life-long learner, so this is helpful to me.  Next time, I’ll do know to do it differently and have a more desirable result.  This is a good thing.  I’ve learned something.”  

No judgment.

No attack.

No complaint.

No problem – only learning, compassion and understanding.

I realize now that this was the beginning of my becoming a teacher.  I was embodying my Higher Holy Spirit Self – the knower who knows – my inner teacher and guide.  

I found that I was SO VERY grateful that I could choose to be loving with myself instead of tearing myself down.   I began to look for more and more opportunities to be kind to myself and others.

This was a big change for me because I had been a dedicated grievance and grudge holder.  I literally thought it was my moral responsibility to never forget the insults and injuries and to wear them in my energetic field like a warrior who has scars on their body and chinks in their armor.  

I’d been living as a grudge holder for so long that I had completely lost track of how much energy it took.  

What changed things for me was I began to realize that just as I had learned to not attack myself for my tactical errors, when others made errors such as being rude, unkind or thoughtless, I could go first with kindness and compassion and help them come back to their right mind by not judging them, and by not taking offense.  I liked that so much more than tearing them down and attacking them.

In this practice with others, just as with myself, I learned that it’s so much easier and faster to heal when I take full responsibility for my choices and for everything around me.  Then I can extend compassion to all and harvest the learning from everything.

What naturally began to occur is that the sense I’d had for so long of feeling like a fake began to disappear and then it went, never to return.  WOW!

I’ve learned so much that has empowered me to share with others, to offer classes, workshops and retreats, to be a spiritual counselor to others and to write this daily inspiration.  

I used to wonder how the heck would I be able to really follow my calling.  It felt so completely daunting because I was caught up in the thought, “how would it unfold in the world of form.”  I didn’t believe I had the resources.  

It’s because I was focused on my resources being in the world, instead of in my mind.

At the time, I had a lot of debt.  I wasn’t good at earning money.  I was still self-medicating intensely.

I prayed and prayed and prayed that the way be shown to me.  

My prayer was answered by my reading something Jesus said when he walked the earth, recorded in the gospels.  He said:

If I be lifted up, I draw all unto me.

Suddenly, I heard what he meant.  I realized that this was the answer to my prayers!

Instead of focusing on HOW to make this ministry happen in the world, I turned my attention to the inner lifting up.  

I put my focus on taking out the trash in my belief system – that old B.S. – and practicing forgiveness and compassion, kindness and generosity, patience and Peace.  

I began to feel the lifting up happening, the old patterns fell away, the way began to clear and things were brought to me and offered to me.  

I began to see opportunities that I wasn’t available to before because I wasn’t a vibrational match.  Instead of criticizing others, I began to extend my heart to them and offer them a blessing – and the whole universe began to do the same with me.  it was a true turning and transformation.  

I no longer felt like a fake anymore, because I wasn’t faking.  I was being more loving and compassionate with each day – even when I fell down and forgot, I could pick myself up with Love and compassion and immediately be back on track.  

I developed humility.

It was the end of humiliation – if only someone could have told be before!

AND I learned that humility is the key that opens the door to awakening.  No kidding.  

Without humility, the doors to spiritual expansion remain closed.  Tightly.  

The door of spiritual awakening is not visible to those who lack humility.  

AND humiliation will still be a concern.

I’m forever grateful for this realization. I did need to acquire humility.  I had been humiliated many times, but I didn’t have to be.  There are other options.  

Humility makes life so much sweeter and easier.

As with any spiritual growth – we can go of our own willingness and be pulled by the vision, or we can be in resistance and reluctance and wait for the pain to push us.  We get to choose the way we travel.

Would you like to move forward inspired by the vision of what your life can be or motivated by pain and fear of what might be?

In order to be willing to acquire humility we absolutely must be willing to give up the need to be right.

We really truly do have to give up valuing our opinions and be willing to forgive.  

With humility a whole new world of spiritual awakening opens up for us.

Are you wishing to share your gifts and talents, but feel like you’ve been playing small? 

Do you have self-doubt you’d like to transform so that you can share from Spirit and inspire others?

We can change so much of our life experience, using our mind.  If we’re willing to take responsibility and act in league with the infinite, with the Higher Holy Spirit Self, knowing that ALL of life is supporting us, that EVERYTHING is for us and NOTHING is against us, we can live an entirely different life.

I’m getting ready for my Stop Playing Small Online Retreat starting on Friday.  If you’d really like to do this healing work of letting go of complaints and the other things that stand in our way of happiness and Peace, consider joining me.  You can change your entire life, your relationships, your experience, your finances, your body, your happiness and peace of mind.   Consider this:

You won’t regret your choice, and you’ll only be so glad you did – at least that’s what I hear from the people who’ve done it.  

Get going.  Take action.  Be aggressive about working with your mind.  DO NOT DELAY.  If you’re waiting, if you’re not getting the results you’d like, what are you waiting for?

Don’t take my word for it, read the testimonials from those who have done this work with me.  They believed that nothing would work for them, and they were willing to do something different anyway.  Now, they’re not playing small anymore.  They’re not letting fear dictate their life.  They have a real and powerful connection with Spirit.  

TODAY, you can join me with friends on zoom.  We’re coming together to share our inspiration in many ways.  We’ll have a spiritual celebration together with message, meditation and music – we call it Sundays With Spirit.  Please invite your family!  If you can’t join us, you can catch the replay!  Because we’re going to be live on video, you’ll have to register to get the detail.  All are welcome, there’s no charge, but you do have to register, unless you’ve joined in the past.

When you register, you’ll also get easy access to past services with Jon Mundy, Lisa Natoli, David Hoffmeister, Maureen Muldoon, Corinne Zupko, Maria Felipe, Frances Xu, Jimmy Twyman and many more.  If you’ve already registered for a previous Sunday – you don’t need to register again, you’ll get a reminder with the details automatically.

If you’re ready to make a change, and you’d like some REAL support to make a LASTING change, TAKE ACTION!  If you’re interested in either my Stop Playing Small Online Retreat or Finding Freedom From Fear Online Spiritual Bootcamp, but you aren’t sure if either is right for you right now, book an Exploratory Call with one of the spiritual counselors.  The call is free and you’ll find benefit in addition to getting all your questions answered.  Click here now to book an Exploratory Call with a Spiritual Counselor.

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I enjoy offering daily writing and prayer. It’s a gift to me to be able to share. You can help me by sharing and commenting on social media. So many are looking for inspiration - let’s be a support to those who are searching! Thank you for caring and sharing!

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