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As I’m preparing for my Stop Playing Small online retreat that begins on Friday I keep thinking of ways that I used to play small – and all of them were painful.
One of the key ways I played small, that caused so much regret, was my not speaking up. Keeping my feelings to myself, not sharing with others, and not feeling comfortable being truthful were all ways that I’d lead myself to living with regret.
Perhaps, one of the greatest regrets people have is being inauthentic when they had the chance to be true to themselves.
So many people long for more intimacy in their relationships with loved ones, friends, colleagues, children, parents and people in general.
Over and over I’ve had people “confess” to me that they don’t really feel close to other people, but they’d like to.
When we’re inauthentic, can we actually ever get close to people?
If we won’t let people see, hear and feel what we really believe, think and feel, then how can they get to know us enough to be truly intimate with us. If we don’t let them in, how can we possibly get closer.
As far as I can tell, most people don’t let people in because they don’t feel worthy and they don’t feel safe. And what I’ve noticed is that those who are judging themselves and others won’t ever feel safe.
The attacker always feels attacked, is one of the things I learned from A Course in Miracles. I say it like this:
The judger always feels judged.
And the lover always feels beloved.
Which would you rather be?
ACIM also says, “to have, give all to all.”
To have more connection with others, offer more connection. Really acknowledge other people. Appreciate their qualities. Notice their gifts and talents.
“I really appreciate the way you make me feel welcome. That’s a rare quality.”
“I notice you know a lot about contemporary cars. You must have done a lot of research.”
“How did you get so good at telling stories? Is t that something you learned?”
When we play small, we let other people pass us by. We hope to go unnoticed. I used to do that. It’s a way avoiding the risk of opening our heart to others.
What I’ve learned is that if I keep my heart open, there’s no risk. If my heart is open, it’s flexible. If my heart is closed it’s brittle and easily shattered.
Fortunately, playing small is a habit that can be broken. We can open up. We can let others in. And when we’re loving, we’re a safe place for others, and then the whole world becomes safer for us.
Do you feel like you’re playing small and you’re tired of it?
Would you like to make a real and lasting shift and have fun doing it?
THIS WEEK: My Stop Playing Small Online Retreat starts Friday, Sept 9. If you’d like support for making a shift from playing small in your heart, living in lack and limitation, getting in your own way, to living from Love and feeling more free and focused, check out my Stop Playing Small retreat – it’s online – you’ve never had so much FUN clearing out the mental and emotional clutter! Fear won’t stop us! Click here for more details.
MY LATEST ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: my topic is The War Against Yourself. Life doesn’t have to be a battle.