Not Guilty!

September 13, 2023

Bodhi loves to watch the horses.

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I live out in the country with my dog, Bodhi, and my cat, Sattva. We go for walks together every day, several times a day. Bodhi loves to see the horses. She’s fascinated by them. And they often come walking over to us when we stop to watch them. They’re curious about Bodhi too.

I imagine the horses are used to seeing the black bears, the coyotes, bobcats and other critters around here, but not so used to seeing an all white dog. They’re curious like we are.

We have a neighbor who rides her horse past our house many days a week, and sometimes she has a second horse with her or her sister riding the other horse. She usually has one or two dogs who trot along beside them. Bodhi loves to see them. She’s just fascinated.

She’d like to play with the dogs and she just wants to get a closer look at the horses. She’s so excited by them. Sometimes, like yesterday, she’s off leash and either I’m in the house or we’re playing fetch in the yard. Yesterday we were playing fetch, when I saw them coming down the road. I grabbed Bodhi and held onto her so she wouldn’t chase them. She was very calm and watched from the distance until they were past the house.

We went back to playing fetch. And when Bodhi realized she was free to run, she immediately took after the horse. The owner of the horse seems to REALLY dislike when this happens because it startles her horse and she doesn’t want that, nor does she want her horse to kick Bodhi and hurt her. It’s stressful for us both.

I always apologize when it happens. I apologize a few times and she doesn’t ever say anything except. “I just don’t want her to kick him.” Meaning, she doesn’t want her horse to kick Bodhi. I wave and smile when I see her and I’m in the car passing, or if Bodhi’s on leash, I keep her tight with me and wave. There’s no real neighborly acknowledgment. I sense that she’s deeply displeased by any interaction with me or Bodhi.

I don’t give it meaning. I let her ways of being with me and Bodhi be neutral. I really understand that we’re bothering her, even though that’s not our intention.

I do feel a little triggered into the unconscious guilt when Bodhi chases them. When it happens Bodhi doesn’t listen to me at all. I don’t exist. And that’s what I feel guilty about. I “should” have better control of her. I “shouldn’t” let her off leash.

I don’t have any interest in the guilt or acting from guilt.

Everyone’s doing their best, even Bodhi. Even my unfriendly neighbor. I always say “hi!” when I pass them, but I feel like I get nothing back. I don’t even rate a “hello.” Still, that’s really got nothing to do with me. I don’t change my behavior because there’s coldness there.

I like being friendly so I remain friendly.

BTW, when we go down her street, her dogs come out barking at us to chase us off. I don’t mind. We turn around and go. I don’t wish to upset them.

Letting things be neutral is a great spiritual practice.

It allows us to remain at Peace and there’s no substitute for that. Peace is the way to be.

Let’s be the Peace together. If you’d like my help developing a spiritual practice of Self-care that clears out the old patterns of past beliefs in order to move out of the unconscious guilt and punishing yourself, blaming others, living like a victim or a martyr, feeling guilty and ashamed, please check out my Finding Freedom From Fear Spiritual Bootcamp class – it’s designed to be a rocket booster for your spiritual journey.

If you feel you’ve been holding yourself back and letting fear decide, this might be your answered prayer!

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