Archive for the ‘guilt’ Category

Healing The Unconscious Guilt

Friday, September 11th, 2020

Lately, I’ve been noticing so many more places where the unconscious guilt that A Course in Miracles talks about is driving people’s choices and they have no idea of it. There are so many patterns of pain and negativity playing out throughout our days that we’re not even aware of.

Yesterday I wrote about feeling insecure.

Insecurity comes directly from the unconscious guilt patterns.

It takes up so much of our bandwidth and yet we don’t even realize that’s the real issue.

In our essence, we’re all perfect Spirit poured into different expressions of human experience.

Somewhere along the journey, we gave ourselves permission to judge, to sort, separate and label. The more we see each other as separate, different, wrong, bad, better or worse, the more our perspective is skewed and we cannot see correctly.

We’ve cultivated a distorted perspective of being better than, worse then and separate from, and because we’ve done it on purpose, intentionally cultivating this false view of ourselves and others, we feel badly. Deep down, every one of us feels guilty for giving ourselves permission to attack others, and ourselves, with thoughts of better and worse, when deep down, we do know that we’re one with each other and not separate.

It’s an ancient guilt that we’re in the process of healing.

This ancient guilt is why we all feel less than perfectly lovable and believe it’s true even though it’s not.

We’re one with each other.

Can I possibly believe that you are less than lovable and not believe it of myself?

If deep down, I know that you and I are one, how can I actually believe that it’s possible to paint you as bad and wrong and not paint myself that way too?

Well, here’s how – we made a divide in our mind. We made a split.
We can call it right mind and wrong mind.
Clear mind and distorted mind.

With the split in our mind, we can now see ourselves as separate from each other, but it has a HUGE cost to pay in order to make the illusion of the split possible. We had to also agree that we were separate from Spirit. It was the only way.

What we didn’t realize was that the split in our mind would also prevent us from feeling our God-nature. All of our gifts that are essential to our living a joyful life would be hidden from us on the other side of the split.

In our awareness of oneness and union in Spirit we’re able to access our true divine nature and experience the many gifts of God. These gifts are our natural state of being. They are sometimes seen as colored rays of light, like the aspects of light we see in a rainbow. They are the spiritual qualities of being that we truly are such as:

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Freedom
  • Wisdom
  • Clarity
  • Peace
  • Harmony
  • Beauty
  • Wholeness
  • Prosperity
  • Purity
  • Abundance
  • And more

When we seek the kingdom first, when we put Spirit first, then all of these spiritual qualities are now awake and available in our mind. This is our true Abundance, remembering our lineage, our ancestry, our inheritance!

Our way back to our true reality is being willing to recognize what is false and stop identifying with a smaller, weaker, selfish self. We are truly miraculous beings of Love and Light and our destiny is to remember the kingdom is within. Let’s look for our blessings where we can find them, already pre-installed, within.

Instead of looking for separation and differences, let’s look for similarities and unity.

I’m getting ready for my Stop Playing Small Online Retreat on September 18.

If you’d really like to do this healing work of letting go of complaints and the other things that stand in our way of happiness and Peace, consider joining me. You can change your entire life, your relationships, your experience, your finances, your body, your happiness and peace of mind. Consider this:

You will never regret your choice, and you’ll only be so glad you did – at least that’s what I hear from the people who have done it.

Get going. Take action. Be aggressive about working with your mind. DO NOT DELAY. If you’re waiting, if you’re not getting the results you’d like, what are you waiting for?

Don’t take my word for it, read the testimonials from those who have done this work with me. They believed that nothing would work for them, and they were willing to do something different anyway. Now, they’re not playing small anymore. They’re not letting fear dictate their life. They have a real and powerful connection with Spirit.

If you’re ready to make a change, and you’d like some REAL support to make a LASTING change, TAKE ACTION! If you’re interested in either my Stop Playing Small Online Retreat or Finding Freedom From Fear Online Spiritual Bootcamp, but you aren’t sure if either is right for you right now, book an Exploratory Call with one of the spiritual counselors. The call is free and you’ll find benefit in addition to getting all your questions answered. Click here now to book an Exploratory Call with a Spiritual Counselor.

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Should

Saturday, July 11th, 2020

Have you ever been a fake friend? I have. I can remember that I used to pretend to be friends with people I really didn’t care about. Now, as I look back, I wonder what was that really all about?

I lived with a lot of SHOULDS hanging over me. in fact, my life was mostly shoulds. I was often telling myself:

You should do this.
You shouldn’t do that.

Should, should, shoulding all over myself and everyone else.

That’s what the judging mind does.
Should is a kind of attack thought.  

Wishing it were different, thinking that it SHOULD be different is a major pre-occupation of the ego.

When there’s a “should” there’s a judgment.

Thinking that I SHOULD be friends with someone led me to collect some fake friends. Fake friends were people I felt obligated to hang out with, but that I actually had zero real interest in. How crazy is that? They had some kind of connection I wanted to something I thought I needed. I was willing to invest huge amounts of time, energy, effort and money into maintaining fake friendships.

I remember feeling that there was some “rule” about how often to get together. There was a rule about how often to call each other. I made sure I was operating within the rules so that no one could label me as bad or wrong. It was all about how people perceived me, what I projected and my own self-perception. I had already labeled myself as bad and wrong and so I wanted to avoid anyone else adding to my pain.

The more I opened my spiritual practice to include my whole life, the more those fake friends fell away. Obligations fell away. I gave myself permission to choose from Love and that transformed everything. Spiritual practice really IS the great healer.

People know when you’re not really with them in your heart. Why behave in a false way? It makes for an empty life.  Doesn’t it just reinforce lack, fear, the value of appearances? Let us all be whole heartedly available to LOVE fully and completely in each moment.  That’s what we’re designed for – and that’s why it feels so good when we have the courage to live that way.

It’s never too late to start over. Give the Higher Holy Spirit Self the heavy lifting and relax into the healing! Be a TRUE friend to your Self – your Higher Self and let the false friendships be healed!

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Guilt

Friday, July 10th, 2020
Guilt can be such a crusher of our spiritual connection.

It’s like some kind of noise or distortion that is so hard to take that everything good seems to be tainted by it.

Many people feel guilty, for a variety of reasons, and that guilt is like a wet, stinky blanket on their life and on their energy field.

Let’s get rid of it!

Guilt is not really my thing. When I was a kid, my grandmother would often try to make me feel guilty in order to manipulate me and I learned to throw that off. I developed a Teflon coating for guilt. It still comes up from time to time, and I’ve learned a lot about how to let guilt go.

The number one way to release the guilt is to not put guilt on anyone else.

It’s like I say all the time:
the judger always feels judged
the attacker always feels attacked
the lover always feels beloved

Let’s add: the guilt-er always feels guilty (and secretly ashamed)

Which would you like to feel? Guilty or Beloved?
You’re in charge of your choices, so why choose to feel guilty and ashamed when you could feel Beloved?

You may be trying to make people feel guilty and perhaps not even be aware of it.

When we’re upset, if we feel in ANY WAY that it’s someone else’s fault and we tell them we’re upset – we’re probably, perhaps unconsciously, trying to blame them and make them feel guilty and ashamed. This will only cause us to feel guilty and ashamed – perhaps unconsciously. Next thing we know, we’re depressed and self-medicating.

Yuck – the wet, stinky blanket of despair has landed, self-inflicted. Ugh.

If we believe that we have the power to make other people happy, to fix their lives, to rescue them or heal them and we withhold Love from them, we probably will feel guilty because we might also be punishing them, consciously or unconsciously.

If we feel upset, and we feel it will help us to tell other people about it, let’s make sure we don’t feel they’re responsible. If we do feel they’re responsible for our feelings then we can grow up and take ownership of it like this:

“I’m feeling upset and I know it’s not your fault. It’s my crazy thinking. I’d like to talk it through with you, so that I can take total responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and heal this crazy thinking. Are you willing to help me talk it through?”

However, if we have a secret desire to blame them and shame them for “making us” feel upset, then it’s best we don’t go talk with them. Our secret desire to attack and blame will be known and felt even if it’s not recognized from what it is.

Taking TOTAL ownership is the only way to have a truly healing and productive conversation.

Let’s remember, the ego loves to pick a fight, to blame and to shame and that will only leave us feeling guilty and ashamed. There’s just no benefit to trying to make others responsible for our upset. When we heal that habit our life becomes more loving, more prosperous and more harmonious!

What’s not to like about that?

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Guilt

Monday, June 22nd, 2020

One reason children are so light and happy is that they don’t feel guilty – yet.

Many people use the threat of guilt as a motivator.  Some use guilt to keep them playing small and avoid taking risks.  I’ve certainly been guilty of both!

I’ve talked with many people who don’t fully enjoy their life because they feel it would be selfish and they’d feel guilty.

Many people even feel guilty just for taking care of themselves – as though good self-care somehow is putting themselves first, which is selfish.  Selfish is bad and wrong.  

The guilty mind punishes again and again.

Self punishment is a strong motivator for many people and it keeps them in a loop, like a hamster on a wheel, repeating a limited and unhappy existence.  It is our destiny to live a joyful life and A Course in Miracles is the mind-training to help us get there!

It’s interesting how many people believe they should feel guilty for taking care of themselves. One of the biggest challenges I see at work in many people’s minds is this belief that it’s better to give than to receive.  How could that be true when there is only one?  It’s insanity.  The only place to give to is Spirit and the only place to receive from is Spirit, how could giving be better than receiving?  It’s so important and valuable and healing and nourishing to be receptive to Spirit’s guidance and flow of Love.  Without that we wither and die, literally!

The ego thought system is diabolically opposed to itself!  

The ego believes that taking care of yourself is selfish, which is bad and wrong. The ego believes that we’re supposed to give and give and give and give in order to get the Love, approval, attention and affection that we want and need.  We end up believing that we have to give and give and give in order to earn Love, thereby reinforcing the idea that we’re separate from Love.  

The ego believes that others are selfish, bad and wrong if they don’t appreciate all that we’re giving to them. They should reciprocate by giving us everything that we need.  It’s all lunacy.  Time for a healing!

When we don’t take good care of ourselves, when we over-give and give in order to get something back, then we’re going to feel depleted and it’s not because someone made us or we did it for someone else.  Over-giving to depletion is a choice that is a form of self-sabotage and it’s time for us to let it go!  We over-give because we believe in lack.  Over-giving is an affirmation of lack.

Some spiritual students believe that suffering and martyrdom are somehow holy.  This has been taught for thousands of years.  

Suffering and martyrdom are the OPPOSITE of holy.  

Suffering and martyrdom are pure ego.  

It’s our responsibility to take good care of ourselves and keep our wellspring of energy, radiance and luminosity full.  

There are no extra points for running on empty.  

No one can maintain our radiance for us – this is ours to do.  If you feel guilty taking good care of yourself consider this:  If you live in service to the Light, then everything you do to make sure you are a brightly shining light brings benefit to all.  It’s not selfish to take good care of yourself, it’s another act of service to the Light!  

Eliminating these thought patterns is exactly what my Finding Freedom Spiritual Bootcamp class is all about.  This is where our Freedom is revealed.  Freedom is already our natural state underneath all of the punishing thoughts we’ve adopted.

Managing and coping with painful patterns isn’t healing and it’s not loving.

What can you do today to care for yourself with kindness?

One thing we can ALL do is give the guilt, known and unknown, recognized and unrecognized, to the Higher Holy Spirit Self for healing.  Let the suffering be OVER!  This is our time of Love & Freedom!

I haven’t offered Finding Freedom From Fear, my spiritual bootcamp class with ACIM principles in 9 months – this is your chance, if you’d like to join me and GO FOR IT!  I’m recording all new classes.

Please don’t put your healing and happiness off 1 more day. We will do the forgiveness work together in class.

My Finding Freedom From Fear spiritual bootcamp isn’t for everyone – it’s for those who are ready and willing to dive in and live the Love.  We’re doing it together!  Register now or  Click here now to book an exploratory call to learn more.

We begin July 5!  This is going to be SO good because I am ON FIRE!

Let’s have REAL and lasting transformation this summer with a spiritual practice that brings benefit and healing for all.  Now is the time for us to dive deep and eliminate the patterns of fear in our life.  I thank you for being on the journey with me.

Trust your intuition! If you’ve been thinking about doing my Finding Freedom From Fear Bootcamp for a while, but just haven’t been ready, consider booking an exploratory call with one of the spiritual counselors.  They can answer all your questions and you’ll know what’s best for you.   Book an exploratory call today!

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Guilty

Tuesday, February 25th, 2020

According to A Course in Miracles, the cause of all our suffering, including the belief in separation, comes from unconscious guilt.

But what does the unconscious guilt come from, you ask?

It comes from perpetuating the thoughts of “otherness.”

These are thoughts of “us” and “them”, of “better than” and “less than”. I don’t know where the first thought of otherness came from, or why it was so attractive, but I do know that it’s been a wild and wooly ride ever since!

The ego thought system is like a virus in the mind. It has no power of its own, but as Stevie Wonder’s great song “Superstition” says, when you believe in things that you don’t understand, then you suffer.

We believe in separation but we don’t understand it, and it is the cause of much suffering.

There are so many thoughts of separation showing up all around us every day that sometimes we barely recognize them. That we’ve become inured to them is reason enough that some would feel guilty. That we perpetuate them is another reason to feel guilty.

Unconscious guilt = fear.

Worry is an expression of fear.

Occasionally, someone who doesn’t know me well will say something like, “Should we be worried about … ?” or “Are you worried about …?”

I find that their worry is often a surprise to me. It’s not something that I would worry about. Plus, I’ve found that worrying works against me and isn’t helpful to me, so I mostly choose to disengage from it if I find it enters my mind.

Now, it’s not that I have no worries at all. I can tell when I feel irritated by something that there’s a fearful thought, perhaps a worry, that’s being brought to the surface for healing.

Worry is an effect.
Fear is an effect.

It comes from valuing the thoughts of separation rather than rooting them out – that’s what causes the “unconscious guilt.”

I’ve always felt the guilt that accompanies attack thoughts.

Am I the only one?
I don’t think so – I think the guilt is fairly conscious for a lot of us, we’ve just learned to drown it out or deny it.

Fortunately, the Higher Holy Spirit Self will undo all the consequences of our wrong decision if we allow it. And that’s a priceless benefit that we can all take advantage of at no extra charge! Let’s relieve ourselves of ALL unconscious guilt by handing it over to the HHSS for healing!

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Getting Rid of Guilt

Friday, October 18th, 2019

A Course in Miracles tells us that keeping us feeling guilty is what our special Love relationships are all about. It tells us that our special Love relationships are relationships that are actually backward. Instead of unconditional Love there’s co-dependency, which is conditional Love. This kind of relationship only increases our suffering because we become so attached to the other person validating us.

In the special Love relationship, we are attracted to the person who affirms our false identity. That’s not Love. It’s a poor substitute.

In our special relationships, we begin by being so glad and excited that someone is affirming our specialness, but we know that if someone’s not seeing our true identity, they aren’t loving our true Self, only the false self. Deep down, we know it’s a poor arrangement.

If we don’t show our true Self, how can someone ever really love us?

If we present a false self in our relationships – one that we think is more likable than our true Self, and if we hide how we feel so people don’t even know what’s going on with us, won’t we actually be preventing others from loving us?

The shift happens when we love ourselves.

In the false, fake, special relationship, our upset is a display to manipulate others into feeling guilty for having upset us. Is it Love if we’re manipulating someone to do what we’d like?

Do you wish to be in a relationship with someone who blames their upset on you and then tries to make you feel guilty for it?

The way out of this pain is to take responsibility for our upsets. It helps to be able to be transparent about how we feel and to not blame anyone.

There’s such a great reward when we can let people Love us. It’s one of the reasons why we love dogs so much. We allow them to love us, and it makes them so happy!

When we allow others to love us, there’s a healing that happens for everyone because Love is our healer!

 

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My Own Worst Enemy

Sunday, October 13th, 2019

I can see now how often I made my life hard, difficult, painful, and uncomfortable. I did it to myself, but I thought other people were doing it to me. I thought it was life happening to me.

One of the main ways that I made myself uncomfortable was that I would try to plan how I thought my life and my day should go. Planning gives the ego a sense of security. Making plans and feeling that we have to stick to them is how we separate ourselves from the flow of Love. It’s the opposite of trust and faith.

Now, most of us would say planning is essential for our lives — for having jobs, for going on vacation, for attending school, etc. However, I had A LOT of pain and suffering because I would become so attached to the plans I made. If I didn’t follow the plans I made, I would start to feel anxious and upset. If someone interrupted my plans or thwarted my plans, I would become agitated and angry.

For the ego, a change in plans is a loss. It’s a cause for fear, anger, upset, and worry.

A Course in Miracles tells us that “A healed mind does not plan.

When we first look at that, most of us think – “How can that possibly work? If I don’t plan, how do I live my life?”

To look at it more clearly, we could say “A healed mind does not feel obsessed with sticking to the plan.”

A healed mind has no attachment to the plan and can go with the flow of Love!

Obviously, as someone who is leading a ministry, offering year-long classes, planning global summits and retreats, I make A LOT of plans! What I’ve learned is that my Peace is in going with the flow of Love when things are shifting and changing, as they often are.

I’m in the Catskills area right now, leading my Spiritual Counseling Training Intensive. The other night, I went to bed with a particular plan for my morning the next day. In the morning, things changed and it was clear there was a different flow for me that would feel more supportive to what I was doing that day. It was a change of plan.

Years ago, I would have been angry and upset if I had changed my plans. I would have felt I’d failed because I failed to keep my plan.

When I was younger, I was very rigid with myself. I realized that I had an “inner Nazi” who was always driving me to be “better” and be “more productive.”

I was my own worst enemy. Beating myself up for my errors.

It took me a VERY long time to realize that the only thing that is truly productive is to be loving. Being loving is the only meaningful accomplishment.

Being loving is the only thing that’s truly helpful.

Why? Because whenever we’re being loving, then we’re being a healing presence in our lives and it ripples out to everyone.

My fear of not sticking to the plan and of non-accomplishment was really about my not feeling worthy of Love. I used to believe that my accomplishments and my rigid adherence to my plans would somehow prove that I was good enough and worthy of my own “seal of approval.”

Of course, the approval was only momentary and not permanent.

Love is permanent. Love is eternal and echoes throughout the universe.

Ego accomplishment is actually nothing in the view of the Spirit.

I finally realized that, while I believed I was upset because I wasn’t sticking to the ego’s plan for my day and for getting approval, I was ACTUALLY upset because I was allowing myself to believe that accomplishment was something that could improve my stature in the “Eyes of God.”

A Course in Miracles tells us, “I’m never upset for the reason I think.

When I’m upset, it’s always because I’m choosing to believe an opinion that isn’t true. Believing that I have to earn approval from God or from the ego will always bring upset.

Love is our healer because Love is our true identity.
Love is our DEFAULT SETTING.

Love doesn’t judge and Love doesn’t need approval. Only the ego judges and the ego doesn’t stop judging. It’s always offering the “carrot” of approval, the enticement of “being good enough,” but it dissolves like a mirage the moment we think we’re there. Tricky ego.

I’m so grateful to know that a major key to Peace is not being attached to plans. I AM learning to live in the flow of Love and, for me, that is the place of great safety and security. I love it and am grateful for this learning.

This awareness of non-attachment to plans is one of the most helpful and loving practices I’ve ever found. It blesses me every day, and it makes life so much easier for everyone I come in contact with because I’m not involving them in my upset.

Because of this simple practice of awareness of non-attachment, we can experience much greater Love in our lives and that’s healing so many other false beliefs and patterns of separation. We can live joy-FULLY.
Ka-ching!

The healing ripples out through all of our relationships and I AM grateful to live in gratitude for our ever-increasing awareness! WOO HOO!

We are so blessed at every moment. Daily, I ask the angels to surround and enfold me and help me to recognize my healing opportunities to release attachments and be a truly helpful and loving presence. Daily, I AM lifted into the Light and Love that I most deeply desire to know and share.

Blessings abound!

LAST CALL till next spring: If you’d like to do this work in a class with me, my Finding Freedom class just started and if you’d like to jump in, jump NOW. This is the perfect time for us to do this relationship healing work as the holidays are approaching. We can make such a difference in our own life and in our family. I see it every year at this time, since 2008 when I first started offering this class.

Every day I offer “My Shot of Spiritual Espresso.” I write spiritual inspiration and record a prayer for our healing. Prayer is a power tool for our liberation. We use technology to transcend time and space and deepen our spiritual practice and connect with each other. Our spiritual practice is our path of liberation, and that’s beautiful to share!

We’re all on a journey of expanding awareness, and there’s so much help for us in the invisible. We’re never alone. I Love you and I thank God for you. We bless each other with our willingness to rise in Spirit and come back into our right minds. Together we’re answering our call to BE the Love. YES!

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Guilty

Tuesday, October 1st, 2019

A Course in Miracles tells us that increasing a sense of guilt is what our special love relationships are all about. It tells us that our special love relationships are relationships that are actually backward. Instead of unconditional Love, there’s co-dependency, which is conditional love. This kind of relationship only increases our suffering, because we become so attached to the other person validating us.

In the special love relationship, we are attracted to the person who affirms our false identity. That’s not Love. It’s a poor substitute.

In our special relationships, we begin by being so glad and excited that someone is affirming our specialness, but we know that if someone’s not seeing our true identity they aren’t loving our True Self, only the false self. Deep down, we know it’s a poor arrangement.

If we don’t show our True Self how can someone ever really Love us?

If we present a false self in our relationships – one that we think is more likable than our True Self, and if we hide how we feel, so people don’t even know what’s going on with us, won’t we actually be preventing others from loving us?

The shift happens when we love ourselves.

In the false, fake, special relationship, our upset is a display to manipulate others into feeling guilty for having upset us.

Is it Love if we’re manipulating someone to do what we’d like?

Do you wish to be in a relationship with someone who blames their upset on you and then tries to make you feel guilty for it?

The way out of this pain is to take responsibility for our upsets. It helps to be able to be transparent about how we feel and to not blame anyone.

There’s such a great reward when we can let people Love us. It’s one of the reasons why we love dogs so much. We allow them to Love us, and it makes them so happy!

When we allow others to Love us there’s a healing that happens for everyone because Love is our healer!

Joining with others is part of why I love being a Spiritual Counselor and why I love training spiritual counselors and empowering them. (Please consider working with one of the Spiritual Counselors I’m training – you can book a session on a donation basis – look here: http://jenniferhadley.com/spiritual-counselors/)

When our relationships are ego-based, it’s probably a worthiness issue that generates the suffering inside those relationships. If you suspect that worthiness is your issue, then you might consider receiving my gift. My “Worthiness Workshop” this past weekend was such a hit that I’m offering it again this week. Register to get my worksheet and fill it out. I’ll let you know when the next workshop is!

There’s no cost, but you do have to register. Click here to register now.

Worthiness Workshop

This workshop is for people who are interested in making a change. When you register, I’ll send you a link to download the worksheet that you’ll need to set aside some time to fill out and bring to the workshop to be able to get the benefits. Let’s do this healing together and not put it off any longer!

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Guilt

Sunday, September 1st, 2019

I’m writing this on Sunday morning, and here in the US we’ve got the Labor Day holiday weekend. I’ve been with family all week at our home on Deer Isle off the coast of Maine and some are leaving today. There’s a flurry of activity in the house as some are packing to leave and some are packing for a day trip to a nearby island. When family gets together, I always get to see if I still have any buttons that can be pushed. I discover any hooks I haven’t yet unhooked.

Lately I’ve been aware that there appear to be two ego patterns that are the most insidious, but I also know we can relinquish them to the healing of the Higher Holy Spirit Self, and that working together with spiritual friends it’s much, MUCH easier. Together, we can remember to laugh.

One habit is that of pushing the button of guilt and the other is the button of shame, which is so tied to the belief that we’re fundamentally bad.

These buttons gets pushed so easily because they’re the biggest ones we have. So often, we don’t even know that we’re doing it.

It can be so casually done: “While you were out having fun with your friends, I worked on getting the house cleaned for the party.” Someone can say that casually, with the idea that they’re just stating the facts, not trying to trigger anyone’s guilt. But if it’s the facts and it has no purpose to trigger, why say it at all? Why not just say: “Did you have fun with your friends?”

Families and work colleagues have such strong habits of button-pushing that people don’t even realize it’s there. I did it this week myself. Example:

We had such a full house this past week that I slept on the porch on a blow-up bed. I love the outdoors and sleeping outdoors, so it was no sacrifice for me. I can look up and see the stars and hear the birds at first light. I absolutely LOVE it.

It does get down into the mid 50’s sometimes at this time of year, so I like to have a sleeping bag under me and one over me as insulation, in addition to blankets, etc. I had organized my bedding that way, but then in the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom and I was a little cold, so I was going to reorganize the blankets because I wasn’t feeling the insulation on top with the sleeping bag. I took everything apart, but couldn’t find the top sleeping bag. I concluded my brother had taken it to use with my nephew, who was sleeping on an air mattress in the house.

The next morning, my bro asked me how it was and I said, “It was great, but a little cold,” and I explained what happened. It triggered his unconscious guilt and he felt bad. I was totally okay with the whole setup. I had gone right back to sleep after sorting out what happened. Yet, I could see that I had made a tactical error in telling my brother. I really knew my error when I overheard him telling someone the story later, and that he’d felt bad about it. I said, immediately, that it was no biggie – I was hardly affected, went right back to sleep. All is well, but I know that I triggered his unconscious guilt and I had to look at whether or not I did it on purpose. I concluded that I had. We did that little ego guilt dance together.

And that’s where my spiritual practice comes in.

I got to practice forgiving myself – in other words, not judging myself for having been unconscious to the effect my words would have on my brother.

I also called upon the Higher Holy Spirit Self to “undo all the consequences of my wrong decision” to say something to my brother.

You see, it wasn’t necessary to say anything to my brother. I really can see that I only did it because I was “secretly” annoyed that he took the sleeping bag without telling me. I made him responsible for how I felt, and that triggered his unconscious guilt.

This is PRECISELY how we push people away and cause our relationships to deteriorate.

When we have special relationships, they deteriorate so easily because they’re not actually founded and grounded in Love. Holy relationships are built out of taking responsibility for our missteps and errors, and acknowledging that no one else is responsible for our feelings or our choices. This is what cultivates spiritual maturity, to have holy relationships that are unconditionally loving.

A Course in Miracles tells us that when we ask the Holy Spirit to make our relationships holy “The temptation of the ego becomes extremely intense with this shift in goals.” Jesus warns us that the majority of people will break off the relationship rather than see it through to holy. Most would rather have the special relationship. The holy relationship requires REAL fortitude and GREAT willingness and it is worth EVERY bit that we go through because our mind IS healed in the process.

Ego belief is that we’re fundamentally bad. Spirit knows we’re fundamentally and ONLY good.

Ego belief is the unconscious guilt that we’re bad and should be punished.

Spirit knows that this world is a dream in which we’ve done nothing wrong, and that punishment never heals anything, it only wounds.

When we’re convinced we’re fundamentally bad, we’re actually going to seek out situations and relationships that confirm our belief. The answer is our spiritual practice.

I’m all about the practical application of spiritual teachings, because that is the thing that has worked so well for me to liberate from the relentless cycles of fear, pain, hurt, anger, revenge, worry, doubt, jealousy, helplessness and hopelessness.

I learned the power of working with other like-minded souls when I was studying to become a Science of Mind Practitioner and Minister. Several of us formed a prayer circle back in 1997, and we’re still praying together every week for 22 years. We’re “besties” and we’ve watched each other learn, grow, and transform. We never have any discord within our group. We’re completely unconditionally loving and supportive. And, we tell each other the truth, we just don’t add any judgments or guilt inducers.

This is what we’re working on in my classes. It’s why people come on retreat with me again and again – because we’re not just talking about it, thinking about it, reading about it, and listening to classes, we’re rolling up our spiritual sleeves and partnering UP with the Higher Holy Spirit Self to get it done!

Just today, I got another e-mail from someone in class who is having an amazing and miraculous healing at the level of the mind and seeing it demonstrate in their life in unexpected and beautiful ways. They’re working with Spirit and not against Spirit now, and that is making all the difference.

Willingness isn’t just something we say. Being willing MUST be demonstrated. Faith without works is dead. It’s nothing. The power is in our loving choices that are the active demonstration of our willingness.

My willingness wasn’t there with my brother initially, but it got ignited, and I do KNOW that all the consequences of my wrong decision are undone by Spirit because I’ve asked for it and accepted it. That’s my willingness.

We all make errors we can learn and heal from. Making errors is not the issue. Letting them stand without working with Spirit, that’s the issue.

The folks in our community are amazing and miraculous and they inspire me every single day!

Real people. Real miracles.

Practicing the ACIM Lessons, walking the talk and living the Love, that’s where the healing is generated from. It ripples throughout our life and can bring us happiness each day. If you’d like to some inspiration, check out my podcast. I have a number of episodes about healing the unconscious guilt – click here to get them now.  You can also search for any other topic you like.

Yes, it does take a great willingness to move through things quickly, but it’s so gratifying! We’re demonstrating the power of Love to heal our minds and our lives, and every problem we think we have. When we prove God works in our life, our faith is strong!

Let’s make the most of every opportunity for our healing and awakening, and remember to laugh when we forget. Every day I offer “My Shot of Spiritual Espresso.” I write spiritual inspiration and record a prayer for our healing. Prayer is a power tool for our liberation. We use technology to transcend time and space, and deepen our spiritual practice and connect with each other. Our spiritual practice is our path of liberation, and that’s beautiful to share!

We’re all on a journey of developing trust, and there is so much help for us in the invisible. We are never alone. I Love you and I thank God for you. We bless each other with our willingness to rise in Spirit and come back into our right minds. Together, we’re answering our call to BE the Love. YES!

Have you transformed a relationship from special to holy?  Please tell us about it and share in the comments below!  Thank you!

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