Archive for the ‘Judgment’ Category

Without Weapons

Saturday, August 8th, 2020

There’s a time when being right can be so wrong and I’ve been there many times.  I’ve wasted so much of my time, and energy, my precious life-force, arguing with someone about nothing because I needed to be right because I felt so wrong.  Phew!  That was such a sticky track in my mind.

There’s a pervasive thought pattern in our world that’s all about deciding who’s right and who’s wrong, who are the winners and who are the losers.  And don’t we love to gather the evidence to prove our case.

It all comes down to being the judger.  Judgment is a very effective weapon—or so I used to think.

We raise our children in this culture of judgment.  We teach it to them when they’re little bitty babies: Throwing the food on the floor is WRONG.  They hear us talk to the dog:  “BAD doggie, BAD.”  

We show our children how to make the right decisions, to look at the other people who are doing it wrong and say, “Bad people, BAD!”  We do this so they won’t get hurt by taking up with the bad people.  Right? 

It used to be when I argued with someone I approached it like a battle.  I used every verbal weapon I had to make them wrong.  I NEEDED to be right!  

Being right made me a better person.  (All the winners agreed on that.)  Every day I needed proof that I was a better person.  It was exhausting.  

When I decided to follow Gandhi and King I put down my weapons of judgment.

Since then, I’ve come to a place where I can have a disagreement with someone and I can watch carefully any need I have to be right.  

Instead of following that craving to be right and make others wrong, I can agree to disagree.  In fact, I don’t even have to get angry!  This has been a huge relief.  It may not make me a better person, but it feels better because I don’t have battles any more.  

Putting down my weapons has made every day victory day.

Who won?  Everyone.

Today I focus on how I use words and moods as weapons and I voluntarily disarm myself.

I choose to live in a world without battles and so I cultivate a life without weapons.  

My daily personal practice of nonviolence moves my life and the whole world in a direction of peace.    I’d rather be a peacemaker than the winner of any battle.


Perceptions Sometimes Aren’t Helpful

Friday, August 7th, 2020

It’s interesting to notice what we notice.
It can be fascinating to view how we view.

In New Jersey they don’t have self-serve gas, the attendant pumps the gas for you. In Maine, at some stations there’s no self-serve and I when I learned about that I realized that I could help contribute to someone having a job by choosing the stations where there’s no self-serve. I might cost a small amount more, but it gives someone a job. Since I don’t particularly enjoy pumping gas, that completely works for me.

I used to return the shopping carts, to the store, but then I realized that there’s no need to return them it’s easier for me not to, and by not returning it, I’m giving a person employment. I can receive the support of not having to return the cart.

In small towns, grocery baggers will sometimes ask if I’d like help taking my groceries to the car, wouldn’t they also like to help by taking the cart and putting it away?

Do you feel guilty if you don’t return the cart where they’d like you to?

What’s interesting is the meaning we make of things.

Our perspective generates our perception, but many times we really don’t know what anything is for.

Once when I was at a Wednesday night service at Agape with a friend. As the collection basket was being passed, my friend saw someone pass the basket without putting anything in it and she turned to me and said, “that bothers me so much, how can they pass the basket without putting anything in it?”

I said to her, “I do that all the time. I write one tithe check per month to make it easier for myself. I’m here at service twice eight times a week or more, but I only write one check. So, I don’t put anything in the collection most of the time.”

My friend was taken aback. After a moment she said, “I never thought about that. That makes sense.”

Whenever we judge, we’re taking ourselves out of the flow of Love and we’re usually creating some kind of personal, emotional and mental distress.

If we don’t correct our thoughts, then we start feel the upset in our physical body. Our life is so much easier if we simply focus on being loving.

We’re designed to be peaceful, harmonious and prosperous and our misperceptions trigger a feeling of upset so we can realize that it’s time to course correct.

It’s a great system to remind us that Love is our true identity and Peace is our natural state. Let’s remember what’s real.

What perception is operating in your mind, triggering guilt? Please share in the comments and help us realize where we can all make a change! Thank you in advance!


No Comparison

Friday, July 3rd, 2020

When I lived in West Hollywood, I took yoga classes with models and movie stars. The competition for the title of “the most beautiful woman in the room” was intense. The more beautiful women there were, the more insecure women there were. It was a real learning for me.

In yoga class, it was easy to fall into comparing myself to others who were not only fitter than me, more attractive by cultural standards and more famous.

I haven’t ever been able to do a handstand. Many of the women in class with me could easily do handstands. I learned to say to myself “I can do that. Just not today.” It helped me to get over my comparisons.

One of the biggest points of pain we have is the suffering we experience caused by the habit of comparing ourselves to others. Only the ego compares. The heart knows we are united in Oneness.

When we’re comparing ourselves to others, more often than not we’re looking to come up short. We’re intending to find ourselves as failing. It’s an act of self-sabotage. It’s adding insult to injury. Can it possibly bring any benefit? No. None. It’s just a trick of the ego to help us feel more separate.

Comparison always leads to more suffering.

Whether we compare and think we’ve come out ahead or come out lacking, since there’s only one, either way we just feel more separate.

If I love my friend, would I encourage them to compare themselves to someone who seems better than them or more special? I would never say to a friend, “you’re not the best cook. I know a few other people I like better than you who are also much better cooks. You’re not so great. You’re just ok.”

Of course I wouldn’t say that to someone I cared about.
But people say things like that to themselves ALL THE TIME.

And it hurts!
It wears us down.

Comparison is judgment. All judgment is for the purpose of reinforcing separation. All belief in separation causes feelings of fear. Comparison is PURE separation thinking.

Let’s have an active practice of relating to others rather than comparing.

Let’s get into feeling the unity of all life.

Let’s watch our mind when it comes to comparing, attacking and needing or wanting to be better than someone else. The habit of comparing can be really sneaky, but since there’s no good that can come of it, just let it go every time you see it.

I find one of the best ways to let a negative thought pattern go is to make myself laugh about it. So, that’s why in my classes we say “compare and despair.” The rhyme helps us to be light-hearted and to remember to laugh. And let’s face it, it also reminds not to go down the road of despair!

There’s great healing that can come from our spiritual practice and it’s a benefit to all beings!

If you’d like to have a major increase in your choosing self-Love and kindness, you might like my Finding Freedom From Fear, spiritual boot camp class with ACIM principles. I haven’t offered this class in 9 months – this is your chance, if you’d like to join me and GO FOR IT!

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Let’s have REAL and lasting transformation this summer with spiritual practice that brings benefit and healing for all. Now is the time for us to dive deep and eliminate the patterns of fear in our life. I thank you for being on the journey with me!


Judger Always Feels Judged

Friday, May 15th, 2020

I’ve realized that within minutes of judging someone I’ll have a judgment about myself.

Every judgment, every projection is like a boomerang that comes back and hits me in the head with force.

I’ve learned to be grateful for this because when I become aware of the judgment I can remember that it’s only going to lead to suffering. Having this awareness has helped me to stop playing small. In the past, I’ve played small by habitually judging and then being preoccupied with cleaning up the upset caused by the boomerang. Phew!

I’ve had so many judgments about myself. I’ve had to surrender each and every one of them in order to FEEL free. Fortunately, we can get so good at giving up the judgments and opinions that we find ourselves being less and less judgmental.

An important practice for our healing is simply to replace the judgments with compassion.

I can remember when I felt angry and bitter and I thought it was my job to take it out on everyone around me.

I didn’t know it at the time, but each judgment was helping me to dig a dark hole.

My experience of digging dark holes for myself has led me to have compassion for those who do what I did. They don’t know any better.

They are to be helped, with compassion, and not shunned or judged.

Yes, the person who judges will often feel judged by others.
It’s their own projection coming back at them like a boomerang that hits them in the head so they’ll wake up and realize there IS a better way.

I don’t know anyone that hasn’t made mis-takes from the smallest to the “biggest,” – whatever BIG means. We are all learning how to BE more loving and kind. We learn THROUGH our mistakes. We are UN-learning to buy into the myriad of judgments its possible to have. This requires our constant attention.

Clearing our mind is the best possible use of our time.

I like to say “it’s good work if you can get it, and I’ve got plenty of it!”

Are you willing to forgive your past mistakes so that you can be free now? I AM! Let’s do it together!

Is there a mistake that you have forgiven that you can share in the comments? Inspire us!


Friends with Coronavirus

Friday, March 20th, 2020

I have a friend whose husband who came down with a bad case of the flu. When things got REALLY bad, he took his beloved to the hospital where he was diagnosed with pneumonia and tested for Covid-19. A couple of days later, they got the test results back and it turns out he’s got the virus.

And he’s doing better since being in the hospital. Phew! He’ll be there another week at least, minimum 14 days, but he’s mending and that’s great.

My friend is home with their two little boys under the age of 5. It’s rough because they can’t go out and no one can come in, a whole new concept of home alone with kids. Imagine not being able to go out and play, having to be in a smallish apartment with little ones for weeks without a break. We have no idea how long they’ll be quarantined.

I’ve sent them a play tent with two crawl tunnels and I hope it will help wear them out and entertain them for hours. I wish I’d thought of it last week – it can’t get there soon enough!

I know others that have had symptoms but can’t get tested. They’re getting better, too. Phew!

In Masterful Living classes this week we’ve been talking about how we can reach out to people we know who might be having a tough time. I invite you to make a list of people that you can check in on and see how they’re doing. You never know when your phone call might make all the difference in the world to them.

Most of us know someone who doesn’t have a lot of family who lives alone, who is older, and in this kind of a situation they become isolated.

Someone without a spiritual practice, watching the news all day home alone, can really be way too much for them mentally and emotionally.

Who can you reach out to and check on?

Maybe it’s an aunt or a cousin that you hardly ever talk to. Get out your address book and start seeing what people are up to.

Make a list and get started connecting with them.

In Masterful Living we all have Zoom accounts. Get a free Zoom account and start having Zoom parties.

I have 4 Prayer Partners that meet with me every week on the phone. We’ve been doing it for about 13 or 14 years. Every now and then we have a special meeting and meet on Zoom. This week we did that and it was so good just to see each other.

I had a family meeting on Zoom with my brother, his wife, my niece and my nephew in one place, my nephew in Spain, my nephew in California, my Dad and his wife in North Carolina, and me. It was great!

My nephew, Ben, in California was quite despondent about the Bernie Sanders campaign, so I made my dad tell us all stories about campaigning in the 60s. My nephews had never heard these stories and it was great! (I’m encouraging him to work for the brilliant and beautiful Rep. Katie Porter who is his local rep.)

There was a beautiful moment when my dad got really choked up, remembering what those times were like for him and my mother. He told stories of my mother working for social justice and pushing me in the baby carriage. I remember being in marches against the Vietnam war with my mother, mothers and daughters marching on Mother’s Day. My nephews were so impressed, genuinely, and that was beautiful.

I am an instigator. I’m an activator. I feel compelled to see how I can be helpful.

It’s who I am.

And we’ve all got the same life purpose: to be TRULY helpful.

For many people, these times will be the most difficult times in their lives.

And we need to think of them right now and how we can help them.

This is the time of extreme pressure that forces people to get real and decide, are they going to change and grow or keep resisting? It will be very intense for many.

Let’s vow not to judge anyone and have compassion for everyone, even the ones who hoard toilet paper, even the ones who hoard protective masks when the healthcare workers have none. Judge no one, Love everyone.

We can do this – if we work together!


Amazing But True!

Thursday, September 12th, 2019

Life astounds me sometimes! One of the things I’ve learned is that when things don’t go as planned, I’m not bothered by it UNLESS I judge it – and that is always my decision. I can choose the option.

The more I practice SELF-forgiveness, the less sticky the judgments are. And that is SO COOL!

When we judge, judge, judge we feel SO unworthy, unlikable, and bad. It’s a vicious circle.

We can extract ourselves by disconnecting from our judgments.

When I made the commitment to make this inner shift of consciousness to practicing true forgiveness and non-judgment. it was, at times, excruciating. I really found it DEEPLY challenging.

That shift of awareness to realize how much pain I was causing myself by choosing to judge was sudden, but then I had to implement the change. I remember how challenging it was for me and how much I judged myself for judging!

Judge, judge, judge!

What I’ve learned is that we judge ourselves so deeply and constantly that we don’t even realize it. It’s like a fish in the water doesn’t realize that the water is wet.

We’re swimming in the sea of judgments and don’t even realize that’s what they are.

When people start my Finding Freedom boot camp class and they begin to practice non-judgment, they are often amazed at how strong the habit of judging is. If they’re willing to put the tools to work they get leverage, and the attachment to the judgments begins to fall away and the Freedom is found – it was there all along, underneath our attack thoughts.

It’s such a relief to realize we CAN break free of the intensity of density. It’s so valuable and empowering to hold in mind that we CAN have a healing, and that we can put Spirit in charge of it. Spirit doesn’t know failure.

Have you put Spirit in charge of your healing? Please tell us about it and share in the comments below! Let’s join together for our Freedom! Thank you!