This week it’s Thanksgiving week in the United States. It’s our biggest family holiday, and normally Wednesday is the biggest travel day of the entire year – but it won’t be this year. I’m in Vermont where there’s very little Covid, but still most of us won’t gather for the holiday.
I am setting the intention to have Thanksgiving again in the springtime when I trust we’ll be out of this Covid crisis.
My birthday is next weekend, and my friends keep asking me what I’m doing to celebrate my birthday. Like a lot of folks, I won’t be doing much of anything on my birthday – perhaps I’ll have a zoom party.
I used to get SO triggered on my birthday. In fact, I’ve ruined MANY a family holiday because I got triggered and got so angry that I just destroyed any possibility of a good time. I’ve even done it when everyone came to my house and I cooked the meal.
I’ve had my best friends in the whole world not wish me a happy birthday and completely forget it was my birthday. I think it happens when you have a birthday on a major holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I’ve organized things to celebrate my birthday with friends and with family, on different occasions, and everyone bailed on me.
And, I’ve learned to get over it all.
I’ve learned not to take it personally even when it felt SO personal.
I’ve even had my family eat my birthday cake without me – when I was just in the next room, they didn’t bother to call me to join them as they ate my birthday cake. Yes, it’s true.
Because I used to get so triggered, so intensely and so frequently, I came to believe there was no chance for me to have good relationships. It seemed perfectly impossible for me. I felt utterly hopeless.
Because of prayer, I learned that I wasn’t helpless. Prayer works.
I learned to do what I now call PARTNERING UP.
I learned to pray, effectively and with great sincerity and prayers work.
Prayers REALLY work, but you do have to pray effectively and then be willing to accept the answered prayer.
For example, when my precious Mom was so sick and in the last years of her life, I prayed to release all blocks to Love between us so that we could be completely in the flow of Love before she left this world. I was so intent on us having a holy relationship.
Spirit gave me the opportunity to go to Maine to visit my parents many times in the last years of my Mom’s life and to spend more time with her.
On one visit, it was planned that I would go for two weeks to take my Mom to her radiation treatments. The drive alone was a three hour round trip from the island where my parents lived, and the hospital. It took more than four hours to do the whole trip, and it was wintertime, so we often took longer because of snow and ice.
My mother had about a month of treatments, so I took the middle two weeks to spare my father having to do all the driving.
It was a grey, wintery bleak time, but I found stand up comedy and audio books and things that I thought my Mom and I could enjoy together and listen to.
During those two weeks, I had made a commitment to myself that I wasn’t going to judge my mother for anything no matter what. I was going to completely Love and accept her. This was my big opportunity to have healed.
There were times when I’d have to go into the bedroom, shut the door, and get down on my knees to pray to release all judgments.
This is when I learned that Higher Holy Spirit Self really would take the thoughts out of my mind if I was sincerely wishing to let them go. I had so much mental healing at that time.
I prayed and prayed and prayed to give up the need to be right. I prayed to release every trigger and every unhealed resentment and regret.
I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that I punished my Mom for tolerating a lot of my anger and upset. I felt so guilty for being mean to her and saying mean things.
That guilt turned into fear and frustration that I couldn’t find a way out. If she had pushed back, and been able to help me with it more, that would have been great – but that was not my path of learning.
I felt unworthy of ALL Love because of the choices I’d made.
Unworthiness is a core issue for us all.
For many of us, a deep sense of unworthiness is running our lives and ruining our life.
(And that’s why I’m doing a 3 class series on it next month!)
I now see that everything I’ve learned is what I get to share in my classes. Now, I’m turning that pain into healing, because I support others with it step-by-step because I had to learn to rely on Spirit to show me. I had to really focus and pay attention and learn the way out.
I had to give up all blame in order to get out of my pain.
I had to rely up on Spirit and find my way into my loving heart.
I couldn’t do it alone.
Love is the only healer and the only way out.
Failing in my relationships felt so painful to me.
Success seemed so elusive.
I couldn’t bear the pain of failure anymore.
I had to believe that Spirit would lead me.
I had to learn to trust in God rather than my own opinions and perceptions.
I had to. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
In that two weeks of radiation treatments I focused on total acceptance and Love of my mother.
I put everything I had into releasing the judgments and seeing with God’s eyes.
I practiced being the one who went first with Love and I prayed and prayed and prayed.
At the end of the visit, when I was leaving to go back home to Los Angeles, my mother said “this was the nicest visit we ever had.”
We spent 2 weeks of driving half the day back and forth to radiation treatments in the gray, cold winter snow and mess and it was the nicest visit we ever had. Why? Because I focused on eliminating the blocks to Love and just loved without attachment.
VICTORY IS MINE!
I put Spirit in charge and Spirit DID IT.
From that point on, I knew that Spirit COULD NOT fail.
Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, because I still have a little bit of sadness for all of the opportunities to be loving that I missed.
But I don’t look back except to continue to harvest the wisdom and move forward with more Love and more Love and more Love.
We can all be the fulcrum point of healing in our family.
We can all rely upon the Spirit for our healing.
We can all practice non-judgment.
It requires no longer giving Love and acceptance in order to get anything back. We must give without attachment.
No need for recognition or appreciation.
We give Love because it’s our divine opportunity to be our true self and be truly helpful.
It all gets so much easier to practice when we forgive ourselves for our debts and our trespasses.
I had to forgive myself for all the things I felt guilty about so I was no longer feeling horrible about myself. Self-forgiveness is the only way.
Spirit cannot fail.
That’s why it’s so important to GO FOR IT!
When any one of us has more happiness, we’re all lifted! All boats rise on this tide of Love.
TODAY is the very last day to get all the extra-special early bird bonuses with my Masterful Living Course 2021. This is my very best program. If you make the commitment to yourself NOW, you’ll have so much to look forward to – including tremendous healing and transformation! Give yourself that gift this year and you’ll be amazed at how your connection with Spirit will bloom!
PLUS you’ll have lots of BONUS classes with me in November and December so we can get a jump start on the new year if you register for Masterful Living today!