In my blog yesterday, I shared that most people respond to fear with one of these 3 choices:
But I’ve learned there’s a 4th choice – a more loving and supportive choice.
Many people feel that taking action is a great choice for moving out of fear. Rather than be paralyzed, stuck or frozen by fear
– they look for how to move out of it by taking action.
I think it’s similar to the idea that it’s harder to hit a moving target.
Logically, it makes sense.
If I’m taking action,
then I’m not fighting,
and I’m not running,
and I’m not stuck or frozen. Right?
People feel better if they take action and get moving.
Their mind shifts out of the fear and into what to do.
What they’re doing then becomes their focus rather than the painful, paralyzing fear.
If they’re taking action, they’re in charge and they’re not fighting with anyone, including themselves.
If they’re taking action, they’re moving in a direction to bring them results and to end the fear.
However, fear isn’t really caused by inaction.
So, taking action isn’t helpful or healing.
Fear isn’t caused by doing the WRONG thing.
Therefore, doing the right thing doesn’t heal the cause of fear.
Taking action is actually another method of flight.
Taking action, motivated by fear, is a temporary distraction.
Taking action, motivated by fear, validates the fear, which makes it stronger.
Eventually the fear will be noticeable again, with more fuel and fire and all we’ve done with our actions is delay our healing and increase our fear.
It goes back to the thing we’ve all heard before so many times:
Being vs. doing.
We feel afraid because of what we believe, not because of what we’ve done.
Doing something new isn’t going to shift our belief system, therefore it can’t relieve the fear.
Taking action doesn’t heal the causes of fear.
In order to stop feeling afraid we have to shift our thinking and taking action won’t accomplish that.
A Course in Miracles tells us “All healing is at the level of the mind.”
And that includes healing the causes of fear.
Remember how I said there’s a 4th choice besides fight, flight or freeze?
The 4th choice is:
It took me a long time to see that there was another choice and it was actually going to bring me healing. I began to recognize that when I felt afraid the most loving choice for me was to seek nurturing.
It didn’t matter if it was self-nurturing or the loving support of someone else.
The nurturing was healing.
What DID matter was that the nurturing was TRUE nurturing. Which meant it was from someone who was aligned with Love and Truth.
It wasn’t at all healing for me to seek nurturing from someone who was merely empathetic. Empathy just meant they could feel my pain and agree with it.
Having someone else feel my pain didn’t help me because it just increased the pain and validated it.
Having someone agree with my pain made the fear more real.
Having a pity party wasn’t the answer.
Love was the answer.
I learned to stop going to my friends who would sympathize with me.
Sympathy wasn’t healing either.
Sympathy was just agreeing with the pain and the fear and making it real.
Only Love was healing.
Love is the ability to see beyond the painful circumstances and to see the underlying perfection.
My choices to seek nurturing from my prayer partners, and my spiritual counselors was the thing that taught me the power of seeking nurturing from someone who really was aligned with Love.
Love IS the healer – Love will heal all fear, regardless of how it’s expressing in your experience in the moment.
Why is Love the healer?
Because Love is our true identity.
The way to heal all fear is to surrender the blocks to Love.
For me, I saw that seeking nurturing from someone aligned with truth – including my own Higher Holy Spirit Self – the Holy Spirit – was the only chance I had of actually moving OUT of fear and back into my right mind.
However, the nurturing was just a starting point for the momentary experience of fear. I still had to change my beliefs AND my thinking in order to heal the cause of fear. It’s your being willing to heal the CAUSES of fear that changes everything.
I had to really put attention on working at healing the root cause of fear to build a new habit.
It wasn’t easy for me.
I repeat: It wasn’t easy for me to get this.
It was REALLY hard for me.
In fact, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It was SO hard for me to get this!
And it was SO worth it!
That’s why I’m so grateful to be able to share what I’ve learned.
Doing this work has been the ONE THING that improved the quality of every moment of every day of my life.
Here’s a key:
My willingness to NOT JUST stop feeling afraid,
But to actually live a life of Love –
to truly LIVE A Course in Miracles,
is what brought me the insights and the clarity of exactly what steps to take to have a healing at the level of the mind.
I’ve learned so much.
When I started to cultivate a life without fear I thought it would take me the rest of my life to get out of the habit of constantly reacting with fear. I’ve been amazed at how much I’ve been able to change my thinking, behavior, choices and experiences – particularly when it comes to being afraid and living with fear. It's all about getting to the root cause of fear which I’ll discuss tomorrow.
If you’re living in fear, if fear is your motivator, my FREE class might be for you: 7 Simple Steps to Interrupt Patterns of Fear. Click here to register now!
We’re waking up together and I’m so grateful for that! If you’re finding what I’m sharing to be helpful won’t you please share at facebook and twitter to let others know? Thank you!